When it comes to deconditioning open Solar Plexus center in Human Design, one of the main challenges is avoiding truth and confrontation. This often leads to people-pleasing.
1) avoiding confrontation
Why are we avoiding confrontation?
Oftentimes, it’s because we’re afraid of other people’s reactions. It can feel intimidating. We’re worried if we will be able to handle another person’s reaction.
However, you need to remind yourself that you’re not below anyone. Stop putting other people and their wants on a pedestal. You can’t tolerate disrespectful behavior or prioritize others to your detriment. Your desires are just as important.
In my journey of deconditioning open Solar Plexus center in Human Design, I often felt like I physically didn’t have it in me to confront someone. I felt blocked. But once I said to myself ‘’I’m not below anyone’’ everything shifted. This affirmation gave me back the power to speak my truth.
Are you spending your life prioritizing everyone else?
This might look something like:
1st priority – your family
2nd priority – your partner and his/her needs and wants
3rd priority – your boss needs to feel satisfied
4th priority – your friends need to know they can always count on you
5th priority – having a peaceful relationship with your colleagues
6th priority – being kind to strangers
7th priority – being kind to animals
. . .
20 – there you are (Sometimes. On weekends. After everyone else is taken care of.)
I encourage you to stop babysitting people and putting yourself last. We’re used to being afraid of ‘’What if they get angry/disappointed in me? What if they don’t like what I have to say? What if they don’t agree with me?’’
So we end up saying what people want to hear not wanting to hurt other people’s feelings.
Ask yourself:
Where in your life are you not speaking up?
Why?
What thought is holding you back from saying what you want?
What are you suppressing because you don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings?
Notice a pattern of not expressing how you feel.
And it’s easy when things are easy. But how are you communicating when things are hard? Know that you’re capable of having difficult conversations.
You don’t start a conversation with the intention to fight. The intention is to speak up about what’s important to you. Remember to detach from what it should look like because you can’t control other people’s reactions.
If you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around someone, how is that person healthy for you? You should be equals. You’re not below anyone.
2) wanting to preserve the concept of self
Another reason we avoid truth and confrontation while deconditioning open Solar Plexus center in Human Design is to preserve a concept of self.
I went out a few times with a guy who would describe himself as chill and easygoing. I wanted him to see me as a chill and easygoing person so I was pretending I was okay with things I wasn’t okay with.
This sounded like me saying to myself ‘’We went out only a few times, I can’t tell him that I’m not okay with his sh*tty behavior. Who am I to call him out on his disrespectful behavior?”
So I was acting like I was cool with certain things that bothered me.
But what happens when, after that, you start seeing a guy who gets fiery and aggressive when he doesn’t get his way? Then you feel intimidated and worried to say anything because you’re afraid of his reaction.
So who you are changes based on who you’re with.
Both of these examples have one thing in common. You end up being a nice girl, never wanting to rock the boat, letting other people be themselves but never allowing yourself to be who you are and say what you want.
That’s not sustainable in the long run.
Where in your life are you pretending to be okay with things you’re not okay with?
Read next:
Self-Worth and Deconditioning Open Ego Center in Human Design
Deconditioning Open G Center in Human Design
When it comes to preserving the concept of self, reflect on what you were praised for as a kid.
I was praised for being quiet, calm, and shy.
During elementary school, there was a note section in our yearly card and my teacher would always add ‘’Ivana is quiet and calm.” That was written as a positive feedback. So I grew up believing that being quiet and shy is a good thing. That people want me to be quiet, calm, and shy. That I’m loveable when I’m quiet, calm, and shy.
So I was an ideal student. (Until I hit puberty and all hell broke loose.)
Being quiet, calm, and shy is a good thing only to others because then you can be easily manipulated.
This dialogue sounds like this:
Where do you want to eat? – Oh, wherever you want. I don’t have a preference.
Can you help me with this presentation for my boss? – Yeah, sure.
Can you do this for me? – Of course!
When are you free for a coffee? – Oh, whenever you’re free. I’m good with everything. I can easily switch things up in my schedule to see you.
Can you lend me some money? – Sure!
I dated people way past the expiration date because I was uncomfortable telling them ”This isn’t working. I don’t want to continue this. /or I’m not looking for a relationship.”
You realize it’s not it on the first date, but you keep dating for 2 more months. You realize the people in your life are not being supportive, but you keep going out with them.
Where are you suffering because you don’t want to rock the boat?
What about your feelings?
What about your happiness?
You’re not below anyone.
Want to learn more about your specific Design? Book a 90-minute Human Design reading (life & career).
Until the next time,
Ivana
It would be interesting to hear about people pleasing tendencies in the context of fear of being alone. It’s a projector specific topic, I believe.