In this post, I share 3 common signs of self-sabotage. We’ll talk about how you might be holding yourself back from living the life you want and using your full potential.
Oftentimes, we assume that other people are holding us back in life. We might blame our parents, partner, kids, or our boss for the lack of satisfaction in our lives. But that’s the easy way out; blaming others instead of taking responsibility into our own hands.
But what about self-sabotage? What about all the different ways we keep ourselves stuck? No one else. Just our own thoughts, behaviors, and patterns that are not serving us and are sabotaging our own success and happiness.
Let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about different ways we hold ourselves back and how to get out of our own way.
3 Signs of Self-Sabotage
1) you overthink your decisions and spend more time stuck in the indecision phase than taking action
“Not making a decision is actually a decision. It’s the decision to stay the same.”
― Lysa TerKeurst
Do you often wait for the right time or the right way to do something?
We habitually overthink all the different scenarios and stay stuck in indecision, terrified we’ll make a wrong choice.
If you find yourself worrying about what-if worst-case scenarios and not making any decision out of fear of making a wrong one, that’s one of the signs of self-sabotage.
While you’re not making a decision and moving forward, you’re staying stuck in the indecision phase.
Of course, you want to make an informed decision and you want to make sure you make the right choice. But it’s important to notice if you’re spending more time suffering in indecision than taking any action.
For many things, even if you make a decision you later don’t end up enjoying, you can make a new one again.
For instance, if you’re struggling to figure out whether you should start a blog or a podcast. You might already have a pros and cons list, benefits and disadvantages of both, you’ve gathered information on both, and you’re struggling to decide on what to choose.
Or if you’re struggling with what niche to choose for your blog or your new coaching business.
Those are kinds of decisions that you can make over and over again whenever you want. If you choose blogging and realize you don’t like it, just make a new decision tomorrow. Or a month from now. It doesn’t make you impulsive. It makes you decisive.
If you choose relationship coaching and you realize you actually want to coach people on self-confidence, you can make that decision again whenever you want to.
Don’t spend too much time ruminating about making the wrong decision that you forget to take action on it. Thinking about the decision creates an illusion that you’re being productive and doing something. However, sitting in the “Should I? Could I?” is not moving you forward.
Related:
How To Choose Your Thoughts And Master Your Mind
2) you’re not following through with your plans and decisions
“A great idea, valuable advice, or a wonderful opportunity is meaningless unless you act on it.”
― Frank Sonnenberg
You say you’re going to do something, but you don’t. How many times has that happened to you?
You’re excited to do something, and when the time comes to actually do it, it’s like someone is pulling your sleeve and not letting you do the thing.
Or even if you’re not excited to do something. But you know that doing that is going to be beneficial for you in the long term.
For example, organizing your finances or having a difficult conversation with someone. A conversation that you need to have, but you’re more anxious than excited about it. Again, it’s like someone is pulling your sleeve and not letting you do the thing.
That ‘’someone’’ is oftentimes ourselves.
If this happens to you, if you’re not following through with your plans and commitments, and you choose the easy way, you choose your comfort zone and procrastinate with taking action, that’s one of the signs of self-sabotage and holding yourself back. Read the following blog posts where I share how you can prepare for obstacles so that you stay committed to your goals.
Read next:
6 Tips To Overcome Obstacles + Journal Prompts For Dealing With Obstacles
SAVE FOR LATER 🙂
3) you have a hard time saying no and setting boundaries
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”
― Brené Brown
Do you feel guilty for putting yourself first? Do you sometimes say yes to things just because you don’t want to let someone down?
It seems like the easiest thing – always being available for others and always saying yes. We think that way, others are going to like us, and we’ll avoid any conflicts.
But it’s actually one of the signs of self-sabotage. It holds you back from respecting yourself, acknowledging your own needs, and prioritizing yourself.
How many times have you put the desires of others above your own desires? Even in daily life, for seemingly small things.
It all compounds over time. You say yes 10 times for small things, and gradually, you’re becoming a person who is putting everyone else first.
Eventually, when someone asks you to do something that requires hours of your time or requires you to be available for a few days, you immediately say yes.
Because you’ve developed a habit of always being there for others and not even thinking about what you want and how you want to spend your time. Check out the blog posts below where I talk in-depth about how to raise your standards, set boundaries, and start saying no without feeling guilty.
Read next:
9 Ways To Hold Yourself To A High Standard
8 Tips To Say No Without Feeling Guilty And Selfish
Self-sabotage is much more than surface-level procrastination, perfectionism, or comparison. It affects our confidence, our goals, and overall satisfaction in our lives.
If you notice some of the self-sabotaging behaviors coming up, pause, reflect, and decide again. The good news is that now that you are aware of how you’re holding yourself back, you get to choose differently and start taking action that’s serving you.
Until the next time,
Ivana
I’m guilty of all of these. I’ve worked hard to get in front of my self-sabotaging behaviors and the work is paying off. But it takes time to reverse years of learned behaviors so I know I still have a ways to go. I’m excited to check out your journal prompts and affirmations! Thank you for sharing!
Overthinking is a BIG one more me!! Thanks so much for sharing this!!
Not following through is my biggest way of self sabotaging!! I find myself doing it all the time when I have new ideas. Since I’ve started noticing this in myself its easy to break that cycle.
Such a powerful post, thank you!