La Ivana Cert. Life Coach · The La Ivana Podcast

8 Things to Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough

“Believe in yourself” is probably one of the most used motivational phrases around the world. You’ve heard it once or twice in your life. Maybe, you’ve even repeated it yourself a couple of times more. The chances are this phrase has occasionally melted your insecurities away. It pumped you up and it kept you going through difficult times…

But, what happens when “believing in yourself” doesn’t seem to fix the problem? One of those bad days is here, and you feel incapable and unprepared. What do you do when “I believe in myself” doesn’t motivate you to take action and you still feel worthless?

Luckily, it isn’t the end of the world and there is something you can do about it. Here is a list of things you can do when you don’t feel good enough.

Reasons you don’t feel good enough

When you don’t feel good enough, you should understand the reason behind that feeling. In fact, this is essential to fix the problem. Also, this way, you can understand which areas of your life you should be working on. There are different reasons why you have these negative feelings. Here are some of them:

• low self-esteem – with low self-esteem, you have a distorted vision of yourself. Not only you’ll feel like you aren’t good enough, but you’ll also think you are inferior to other people. 
• unrealistic expectations – sometimes, you behave the hardest with yourself. Yes, it is ok to have a role model. Yet, setting the bar too high could be harmful. Keep in mind that your circumstances and needs are different from those of your role model. 
• depression and anxiety – in 2017, around 792 million people lived with a mental health disorder. Both depression and anxiety are mental illnesses that cause negative thoughts. On one hand, depression can make you feel worthless and hopeless. On the other hand, anxiety makes you believe you will fail at everything you do. 
• imposter syndrome – in the data collected from 64 different studies, the prevalence of imposter syndrome was from 9 to 82 percent. This syndrome is mostly defined as the feeling of not being as competent as other people. 
• your relationship with others – the people you surround yourself with, influences what you think and how you feel. So, if you have a lot of critics around you, you’ll doubt your skills frequently. 
• you’re letting mistakes get the best of you – you probably were taught that failing is a bad thing. Also, it disqualifies you. As a result, whenever you make a mistake, you quickly go into “I’m not good enough” mode. 

8 things to do when you don’t feel good enough

 

1. Remember your achievements

When you don’t feel good enough, there is a quick solution to boost your mood. To get back your confidence you must take a trip to the past. To do this, grab your old photos, your certifications, and trophies. Take a moment to remember your past struggles. Mostly, remember how those turned into achievements.

Finally, take another moment to appreciate how far you’ve come. If you wish, you can make a quick list of the things you’ve done. And for that extra motivation, display it in a place where you can see it. This way, you can easily remind yourself you’ve got what it takes to succeed. You did it before, you will do it again.

2. Quit comparing yourself

“Personality begins where comparison leaves off. Be unique. Be memorable. Be confident. Be proud.”
― Shannon L. Alder

Comparisons are lethal for motivation! Frankly, nothing positive comes from them. You either feel superior or, in most cases, inferior to someone else. This worsens when you compare yourself to something unreal. Take for example people in social media.
In social media, people mostly post the highlights of their lives. You’ll hardly see the hardships behind a pretty picture. This gives the false impression that someone your age has achieved more than you or that they have their life “together”.

As a result, when you compare yourself, you feel lacking. Why? First, because your standard is unreal. Second, because you don’t see your journey is different from everyone else’s journey.

If you feel like a fraud, make sure you aren’t comparing yourself. Or at least, don’t take an unreal model as a reference.

Related:
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

3. Practice self-love

Have you ever wondered if you would treat a friend the way you treat yourself? If the answer is that you wouldn’t, then it means you’ve got to work on loving yourself more.

When you don’t feel good enough for a project or a job position, it is easy to beat yourself up. Your inner critic immediately comes out. Then, you pinpoint everything you are doing wrong.

However, these are the moments when you should take care of yourself the most. Yes, it is important to acknowledge your flaws, but so is accepting yourself.

If you are feeling insecure, engage in positive self-talk, self-care, and compassion. Moreover, you can practice self-love by:

• developing good habits
• doing things that you love
• staying mindful
• trying something new
• taking breaks
• being patient with yourself

Finally, shut down your inner critic by embracing your faults. Yes, be aware that you’re unperfect, but understand that everybody else is too. Remember, there is always room for improvement.

4. Place your focus on the process

Usually, it takes time, sweat, and tears to achieve long-term goals. For example, you may have a goal of losing 3 pounds a week until you achieve your desired weight. Yet, if you only lose 1 pound per week, does that mean you aren’t good enough?

If you put your focus on the final goal, you will feel that way. This is because 1 pound seems like no progress at all. However, you should place your focus on your process instead.

In this case, 1 pound lost is a pound that reflects your effort. It is a step toward a healthier lifestyle. Similarly, when you feel flawed, don’t focus only on your final goal. Instead, look at your current situation.

Embrace yourself as a “work in progress” and celebrate each milestone to always feel confident and motivated.

5. Change “perfectionism” for “growing”

“Healthy striving is self-focused: “How can I improve?”
Perfectionism is other-focused: “What will they think?”
― Brené Brown

When you declare you don’t have what it takes, you are treating yourself like a finished project. In other words, saying you’re not good enough is basically stating you will never be.
This is a signal that your mindset needs a makeover. Instead of being gloomy, ask yourself “why” you’re not good enough. Is it because you don’t have the skills or experience required? – Then, how about you add a YET after. Now, rephrase it. You don’t have the skills or experience required YET. With this, you are hacking your brain. Instead of believing you are a lost cause, you are opening yourself to improvement.

Or maybe you don’t feel confident because you aren’t perfect. Well, the bad news is you will never be. The good news is you don’t have to. When you don’t feel good enough, focus on getting things done with what you already have in you. The rest, you’ll learn it on the way.

Read next:
3 Toxic Mindsets that Sabotage Your Success

6. Validate yourself

Did you know other people see you differently than you see yourself? – This means you might feel one way about yourself and your capacities. Yet, other people can see you in a whole different way. Since your own perception is deceitful, when you don’t feel good enough, you must take time to validate yourself.

For example, let’s say you want to apply to a job position. However, you aren’t sure you have the skills the job needs. They need a leader, something you think you aren’t. But, when you start analyzing your behavior at your current job or you ask your friends about it, they all agree you ALREADY are a leader.

Therefore, whenever you need a boost of confidence, make an inventory of your assets. Test your own skills and your strengths and you’ll be surprised how capable you already are.

Read next:
5 Powerful Life-Coaching Tools to Build Confidence
5 Empowering Habits that Will Boost Your Confidence

7. Check your environment & set boundaries

It is not unusual for insecurities to come from people you know. That’s why, if you are feeling low, you should look around you. This is mainly for two reasons.

First, your friends and family could be bringing you down with their criticism. This could be unintended, but just as harmful as doing it on purpose. If your circle always finds a fault in your actions, then you should distance yourself from it. If it is not possible to keep your distance then make sure to set strong boundaries. Your mental health comes before anything else.

Second, you are trying to fit into everyone’s expectations. If you haven’t learned it by now, then it’s time you do. You can’t make everyone happy. So, make your decisions based on what you want and need. More than anything, keep in mind that you don’t need everyone’s approval to act.

Read next:
8 Tips to Say No Without Feeling Guilty and Selfish
Surrounding Yourself with the Right People

8. When you don’t feel good enough – talk it out

When you don’t feel good enough, you shouldn’t keep it to yourself. Neither should you ignore the problem. Instead, you have to express your feelings. By doing so, you acknowledge the problem and open yourself to work on it.

However, you don’t have to limit yourself to do it in a specific way. Depending on the frequency of these feelings, your personality, and your time, you can choose different ways to vent them.

• journal – Journaling is a great tool to express your feelings, cope with anxiety, and practice mindfulness. If you are having trouble, but you don’t feel like talking to anyone yet, a journal can help. 
• talk to a friend – Another way to express your emotions is to talk to a friend. A good friend not only will hear you out but can also find ways to boost your confidence. Also, a friend will help you see your strengths and virtues. Ultimately, if you need a little push to do something, a friend can give it to you. 
• seek professional help – Seeking the help of a therapist or psychologist might be helpful if you always struggle with feelings of inadequacy. These professionals can help you find the reason behind your insecurities and design a plan to work with them. Luckily, there is more mental health awareness these days. Therefore, you don’t have to worry about people’s opinions when you seek help. 

Read next:
Journaling Bundle – Guided Journaling Workshops
50 Self-Discovery Journal Prompts to Up-Level Your Life

If you don’t feel good enough

To sum it up, feelings of inadequacy can creep into your life when you least expect it. Sometimes you won’t feel like believing in yourself is enough. Other times, you won’t be able to believe in yourself at all!

However, before you give up any hope, try to understand the reason why you’re not feeling good enough. Is it low self-esteem or maybe a problem of mindset? After finding that reason, make sure to take action, either by validating your skills, shifting your mindset, or talking to a friend.

Finally, when you don’t feel good enough, keep in mind that nobody is perfect. So, instead of aiming to be perfect, aim to be a constant and beautiful work in progress.

 

About the guest contributor:

Vanessa Ramos is a blogger and freelance writer for hire. She uses her experience in career growth, mental health, and communications to help people live a balanced and happy life. When she’s not writing, she’s traveling the world. Sometimes, she is doing both at the same time. You can read her blog in Existence as I Know It or learn more about her on her page.

 

building confidence limiting beliefs mindset not feeling good enough personal growth