Today, we’ll explore how you can hold yourself to a high standard. You’ll learn different ways you can treat yourself with the respect you desire from others. Different ways you can honor and value yourself a bit more.
Once you raise the bar for how you let yourself to treat yourself, you naturally won’t allow anything less from others. You will get to the point where you know that this is your standard, and if someone wants to be in your life they have to not only match the standard you have for yourself, but go higher even to get your attention.
I am all about raising your standards when it comes to what kind of behavior you tolerate from others. I believe that your standards are never too high. In fact, they have to be as high as possible because you can’t let other people treat you like you’re their backup plan. You need to ensure people in your life respect and support you.
Now let’s dive into different ways you can hold yourself to a high standard.
Prefer audio? Listen to this blog post on my podcast, The La Ivana Podcast (available on all podcasting platforms & my YouTube channel).
1) keep promises you make to yourself
“If you’re serious about changing your life, you’ll find a way. If you’re not, you’ll find an excuse.”
― Jen Sincero
There comes a point where keeping the promises you make to yourself is not even about discipline anymore. It’s about you respecting yourself enough to show up for yourself.
Not canceling on plans you make with yourself just because you’re not in the mood to follow through.
You need to get to the point where you’re in the mindset of “I wouldn’t tolerate canceling or rescheduling last minute from other people, so why would I tolerate it from myself?”
Stop needing things to be easy in order to take action. Take action on things that will get you closer to who you desire to be and the life you want to create for yourself.
2) be selective when it comes to who gets access to your time, energy, attention, and body
Stop entertaining ‘’wyd?’’ messages at 2 am. Train yourself to automatically delete that type of messages.
When you hold yourself to a high standard, there is no one part of you that’s going to think ‘’Ooh. He just sent me wyd! This is some high-value man right here if there ever was one!”
Absolutely not. Instead, those messages will get a long press + delete.
Get into the mindset of “He can send this to someone who is going to tolerate zero effort. Because I won’t.”
Just because someone sent you a message doesn’t mean you need to reply to it. Especially if that message or that person requires you to lower your standards. Like these “Wyd?” texts.
Don’t entertain red flags, disrespectful behavior, and zero effort.
This is why you need to hold yourself to a high standard. So that you won’t accept just anything that comes to you.
Because when you raise the standard you have for yourself, if someone wants your attention or your time, they have to not only match that standard but go even higher.
They need to put in the effort.
If you find chaotic situationships or red flags attractive, ask yourself what part of you is still finding that attractive.
What unhealed part of you wants to keep engaging with that behavior?
If someone doesn’t honor your boundaries, makes you feel bad about yourself, or forces you into doing something you’re not comfortable with, respect yourself enough to walk away from that.
Limit the access you give to others. And people who put in zero effort and don’t treat you the way you want, they get zero access to your time, energy, attention, and body.
Respect yourself and be selective about who gets to be in your life.
Related:
How to Know if You Have Outgrown Who You Used to Be
8 Tips To Say No Without Feeling Guilty And Selfish
3) don’t let other people’s opinions dictate your decisions
If someone has a certain fear or a limiting belief, that’s their limitation. It has nothing to do with you. For example, if someone has a fear of flying, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get on a plane. It’s their fear and they need to deal with it.
You need to get into the mindset of “I know what I want and I’m not going to let other people’s opinions affect my decisions. It’s my life and I’m the one calling the shots because I’m the one who is going to live with my decisions.”
Instead of asking other people for permission, advice, thoughts, and opinions, start asking yourself better questions.
What decision feels right?
What do you want?
What feels authentic to you?
If there was no wrong decision, what would you choose?
To hold yourself to a high standard includes self-trust. Start trusting yourself because only you know what’s best for you. Everything else is just outside noise.
4) have empowering self-talk
“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
― Louise L. Hay
Talk to yourself and about yourself in a way that makes you feel good.
This is important because when you raise the bar for how you talk to yourself, you naturally won’t allow rude or inappropriate comments from others. You’ll distance yourself from people who don’t make you feel good instead of taking that as a cue to try harder to get their validation.
When you feel confident, solid, and stable in who you are, you stop needing others to heal your insecurities or limiting beliefs.
And when someone says something negative, unnecessary, or plain rude, you’ll do your best to remove yourself from that person instead of trying to change their opinion.
When you hold yourself to a high standard and speak nicely to yourself and about yourself, you will accept that others have their opinion and you’ll leave them with that opinion instead of taking it as a task to make them like you.
Listen to how you speak to yourself and about yourself.
Does the way you speak to yourself and about yourself make you feel good?
Related:
3 Toxic Mindsets That Sabotage Your Success
How to Control Your Thoughts and Master Your Mind // podcast episode
5) have compassion for all the previous versions of yourself that led you to where you are now
Even if you’ve done some things that you’re not the most proud of, it all had to happen. It all had to happen exactly the way it did for you to come to this point where you want to set a higher standard for yourself.
You’re reading this blog post because you want better for yourself, right?
And what happened in your past not only did it have to happen, but it couldn’t have happened any other way. It was exactly what you needed for growth. Even if it turned out to be awful, it had to happen.
It had to happen so that you could learn to respect yourself, set boundaries, or extract whatever lesson you learned throughout that experience, whatever the experience was.
Knowing that, have compassion, understanding, love, and kindness for the previous version of yourself who did what she could. Even if she went against her intuition, she did the best she could, based on where she was at that point in her life.
She didn’t know what you now know. You had to learn through her. So be grateful for the choices she made and the strength and resilience she had to help you come to where you are now.
Looking back, it’s easy to judge your past choices or wish for things to happen differently.
But it all had to happen exactly as it did for you to come to this point where you are ready for better.
6) set goals and take responsibility for your future
“Because what else are we going to do? Say no? Say no to an opportunity that may be slightly out of our comfort zone? Quiet our voice because we are worried it is not perfect? I believe great people do things before they are ready.”
― Amy Poehler
To hold yourself to a high standard means not settling for what’s already available because you think that’s the best you can get.
Ask yourself:
Is this the relationship you want to be in?
Is this the job you want to be working?
Do you want to be friends with people who are currently in your circle?
Do you want to live in your current apartment, city, or country?
If you knew that anything was possible, what would you choose?
And take responsibility for your future. Take responsibility for where you go from here.
Know that there is no impossible goal. Everything you want has already been achieved by someone.
If someone else can move to another country, why can’t you?
If someone else can have their own business, why not you?
If someone else can create a habit of working out 6 times a week, why not you?
If someone else can have a healthy and loving relationship, why not you?
Remove the limitations you learned through your life. Take control of what you can control; your mindset, your actions, and how you choose to show up.
To hold yourself to a high standard means knowing you deserve the best in life and not settling for less. Not settling for the easy and available option.
As I’ve said, stop needing things to be easy and show up for what matters to you.
Related:
How to Set Goals When You Don’t Know What You Want
5 Key Steps to Reverse-Engineer Your Goal for Success // Goal-Setting Method
7) don’t compromise on what matters to you
For instance, if you don’t want kids or marriage and your partner does, you can’t compromise on that. Find someone who is on the same page.
You must not compromise your values, desires, and the life you want for yourself because someone else has a different plan. What about your plan?
What are your values?
What’s important to you in the long term?
What do you want your future to be like?
And let go of anything that’s not aligned with that.
8) don’t depend on other people
Don’t depend on other people financially. Earn your own money, have your own source of income, sell clothes or things you don’t use if you need extra money, or start a side hustle if you need to. But always have your own money.
Don’t depend on other people emotionally. Don’t rely on others to make you happy. Your happiness is your responsibility.
And don’t depend on other people to make your goals and desires happen. Even when it comes to things like going to the movies or traveling. Go alone if no one can join you. Don’t cancel or postpone your goals just because other people are busy with their lives or have different priorities.
9) treat yourself the way you would want the love of your life treat you
Because you are the love of your life. You are your only guarantee. Everything else is just a bonus.
As that saying goes, other people are here for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime. Either way, you have to have your own back and love yourself through it all.
Celebrate yourself even when the goalpost keeps moving. Celebrate your milestones.
Ask yourself:
How do you want to be treated?
How do you want to feel about yourself?
What do you need to do to start feeling that way?
How do you need to talk to yourself or about yourself to start feeling that way?
Make a list of your achievements in the last 12 months. Even the smallest wins count. And do something to celebrate.
Even if your achievement was just that you survived. Maybe you had a difficult period in your life, but not only did you survive, but you’re reading this blog post because there’s a part of you that wants to do better and live a better life.
So do something to celebrate. Have a movie night, make pizza, relax.
Ask yourself:
How can you be a bit kinder to yourself today?
How can you show love to yourself today?
Book yourself a spa day, buy yourself flowers, have a solo date, or go to the movies by yourself.
Spend quality time with yourself and don’t forget how far you’ve come.
Until the next time,
Ivana
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