How to Know If You Have Outgrown Who You Used to Be

When was the last time you thought, “This is just not it anymore. This is just not serving me anymore”? Today, we’ll explore what to do when you have outgrown who you used to be. What to do when you have outgrown certain people, friendships, and relationships. Or even when you have outgrown your job, hobbies, and interests.

When I’m talking about outgrowing something or someone, I’m talking about that moment when you realize something is just not the right fit anymore. This doesn’t mean that you’re better than someone. It doesn’t mean that someone is wrong and you’re right. It simply means that it’s not a good fit anymore.

Now let’s dive into different aspects when it comes to outgrowing certain parts of your life and leaving what you have outgrown.

1) when you have outgrown certain people, friendships, and relationships

“And if you want to do anything in your life, there comes a point where you’re done with explaining and defending yourself and your decisions. You let people think whatever they need to think, and you focus on your part of the equation. You focus on who you want to be and what you want to do.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

When you notice you have outgrown certain people, it’s not to say you’re better than them. Again, no one is wrong here. It’s just that there’s a disconnect. There aren’t as many things you can bond over. You’ve gone in different directions. You started valuing different things, which naturally happens as we grow older and evolve.

Don’t make yourself wrong for that. Don’t make yourself wrong for changing who you used to be. You don’t have to delete and block people when you naturally drift apart. It’s just about you starting to put yourself in places that fit you better. Who you surround yourself with matters, so are you around people who uplift you? Are you around people who make you feel good? What environments have you outgrown? Even certain cafes, bars, or clubs. A certain idea of fun that you don’t resonate with anymore.

For instance, if you want to prioritize your health and fitness but always end up drinking when you’re with certain friends. If you think to yourself, “I just don’t like the version of myself I become when I’m with these people, doing these things, drinking…” then you have probably outgrown it, and it’s time for you to leave your past in the past.

When you realize you have outgrown who you used to be or what you used to do for fun, sometimes you need to be alone for a while to discover what feels authentic to you. This doesn’t mean you need to isolate yourself and not talk to anyone. But if you have spent years or decades with people who aren’t aligned with the life you want to create for yourself or the version of yourself you desire to be, then skipping a few gatherings with those people could help you reconnect with what feels good.

If you are easily influenced by others, you have people-pleasing tendencies, you say yes to every idea when you’re out with your friends, or it’s easy to convince you to do anything, maybe skip a few parties. Start choosing better for yourself. Instead of having the fear of missing out and wondering what your friends are doing without you, focus your energy on building a more aligned life.

You can go on Pinterest and create a board with photos and quotes that reflect the life you want to live. Read books or listen to podcasts that will rewire your mind to develop new helpful beliefs. Take care of your mental and physical health, no matter what that looks like for you. Attend events or go to classes so you can be in environments that inspire and empower you.

The worst thing you can do is know that you have outgrown certain people, but still choose to stay with those people out of fear. Fear of how they might react, fear of disappointing someone, or fear of what they might think. You can’t keep yourself small because it’s convenient for others. Choose growth and people who are going to support your growth.

2) when you have outgrown certain patterns and behaviors

“You get to have completely different standards than you did your entire life. It’s never too late to start treating yourself with the respect you desire from others.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

Maybe you realized you have outgrown a pattern of finding red flags attractive. Chasing external validation. Posting photos of yourself, hoping that that one guy will send you a fire emoji. Maybe you are ready to change those patterns by running in the opposite direction when you notice the first sign of disrespect. Or feeling good about your outfit and not feeling the need to post the photo to get someone’s reaction. Or working on your relationship with yourself.

When it comes to outgrowing certain patterns and behaviors, ask yourself: Is this pattern serving me?
Is this behavior that I often allow serving me? Or is it just giving me short-term gratification?
Is this supporting the life I want to create for myself?
Is this how I want to act and who I want to be?
Is this how I want to spend my time? Spending 20 minutes before you go out taking photos to post on social media to hopefully impress that one guy.
What needs to change?
Who do I want to be?

Do you want to spend your life chasing external validation? Instead, work on your insecurities so that you don’t spend the rest of your life prioritizing someone else’s opinion, trying to impress others, and changing yourself so that other people will hopefully like you.

You need to come to the point where you know you can’t accept or allow that behavior anymore. From others and equally from yourself. What patterns need to stop? Set boundaries and start choosing better for yourself. Because when you know better, you have to do better. Otherwise, the pattern will keep repeating, and you will ask yourself why it keeps happening. It keeps happening because you haven’t put an end to it. So now is the time to choose differently.

3) when you have outgrown certain parts of yourself

What are some traits that you can say you’ve been like that your entire life, but now they’re just not serving you? Maybe it’s the need to prove you’re right. To prove to others why your opinion is correct. To convince others you’re right, and they should listen to you. Or you easily start arguing and fighting with people. Even with people who are not important to you. Maybe you’re an Aries, and you’re telling yourself, “Well, that’s just the way I am. I’m an Aries, and we’re argumentative.”

But notice when certain parts of yourself keep you stuck. We build our identity through our daily choices that become habits, and we convince ourselves that we have to be that way. That we have to stay that way forever. However, what I want to offer you is to let go of who you’ve been if you know it’s not benefiting you.

Ask yourself who you would be without parts of yourself that don’t benefit you. Maybe you’ve been that way your entire life, but how would your life change if you let go of that trait that’s not helping you in any way? We can often act as if we don’t have control over who we are. Saying things like “I’m just not disciplined. I’m just not motivated or self-confident or consistent…”

Every moment of every day you get to decide who you want to be. You will always act in alignment with how you see yourself, so start seeing yourself as someone capable of changing what isn’t benefiting you. How much of your energy is wasted on being argumentative with people whose opinions don’t even matter to you? How much peace and joy are you trading for the need to be right? Or maybe for you, it’s perfectionism, comparison, or viewing others as competition. How much peace and joy are you missing out on while you are comparing yourself to others? What have you outgrown? What needs to change?

4) when you have outgrown your job, career, interests, or hobbies

“It takes courage to acknowledge you want something different, say, “Good for her, but not for me,” or “Good for you, but not for me,” and ignite a path that no one in your family ever took.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

Remember this: just because you are good at something, it doesn’t mean you need to continue doing it. Just because someone tells you you should do something, it doesn’t mean you should. You can tell if you’re not interested in a certain job, career, or hobby anymore. Ask yourself, “Do I still enjoy this? Do I want to keep doing this?”

If you have a career where you feel like you have reached the end and you can’t go further than that, even though you want to, maybe you have outgrown it. Maybe it’s time to leave and create or search for something more fulfilling. If you have your own business and you feel like you have outgrown your niche, maybe it’s time to redirect. Maybe you experienced new things in life, and your current niche isn’t fulfilling anymore. I know of a life coach and personal growth podcaster who became a mom, and now her niche is helping moms in their motherhood. As her life changed, her niche changed. She developed new priorities and new values, and her business is a reflection of that.

So, where are you limiting yourself?
Where are you putting a glass ceiling over your head, afraid to move beyond your current reality?
What do you want to stop doing?
What do you want to leave?
On the other hand, what do you want to start doing?
What direction do you want to take?

If you are a visual person, make a vision board to give you some focus. Journal about where you desire to be 6 months from now. Who do you want to be 6 months from now? Imagine the desired version of yourself 6 months from now. What are her habits? What patterns has she ended? How does she feel about herself? How does she feel about her life, her job, and her relationships?

Write these questions, journal on them, and start moving in that direction. Start taking action in alignment with your desired version of yourself. Start developing an empowering mindset that’s going to support that version of yourself. And don’t be afraid to leave your past in the past.

If you liked this post and want to further explore creating your own path in life, my book She’s Intense is for you. Over 209 pages, I guide you to uncover your unique path, make decisions independent of what others think, and never settle for less. Get it on Amazon.

Until next time,
Ivana

creating yourself finding yourself

La Ivana Author of She’s Intense • Self-Respect & Personal Autonomy