La Ivana Author of She’s Intense • Self-Respect & Personal Autonomy

Looking for effective ways to change your life? Instead of giving you a list of habits you’ve already thought about, let’s look at how you can change your life from the inside out. So that who you are reflects your desired future.
Let’s dive in.

1) Identify what’s holding you back

What limiting beliefs and fears are playing on repeat in your mind? What worries and insecurities take over your enthusiasm to go after your dreams? Instead of taking your unhelpful thoughts as facts to carry your entire life, now is the time to write a new story.

Take a moment to ask yourself, “What would I do if there were no limits? If I could do anything, what would I choose?” From there, notice your mind saying, “Yeah, but…” What’s the story your mind is feeding you?

Know that we all have both. We all have a part of our brain, often called the reptilian brain, whose only purpose is to keep us safe and alive. That part doesn’t want you to leave your comfort zone because it sees it as a threat to your survival. So it wants to avoid anything unfamiliar, new, and uncertain.

However, we also have a more evolved part of our brain called the prefrontal cortex. That’s the part of us that feels the excitement, wants to set new goals, look at the map, and dream about our next trip. That part wants what is new, unknown, and unfathomable to our reptilian brain.

Notice which one gets a say. Notice which part of your brain is making decisions. When you want to change your life, you can’t let the part of you that’s afraid call the shots all the time. Identify the limiting beliefs, unhelpful thoughts, and fears that dominate your life and start creating new ones. The ones that will support your desired future.

Read next:
Overcoming Your Limiting Beliefs: 4 Steps to Set Yourself Free

3 Toxic Mindsets That Sabotage Your Success (and How to Overcome Them)

2) Comfort yourself in a healthy way

After a long day at work, after someone was being rude to you and it ruined your whole day, or when you feel like there’s no one to talk to, you need to be there for yourself. Learn how to make yourself feel better without relying on bad habits that make you feel worse in the long term.

The first step is to make a list of everything that makes you better right away. Maybe it’s as simple as watching The Office (because if Michael Scott can’t make you laugh and forget about all your problems, then perhaps Dwight can).

Maybe it’s having fresh sheets, cooking something for the first time, doing yoga, showering, hair masks, listening to your favorite podcast… All those things can be added to your self-care list. Find what feels good so that the next time you’re not in the best mood, you have your own back, instead of texting your ex when you feel lonely or numbing your emotions with unhealthy habits.

Of course, I believe there are no shortcuts in life, so if you’re in a bad mood, you’ll have to sit with yourself at some point. Journal about it or talk to someone who will listen without any judgment. After you’ve processed your emotions and realized how you can improve the situation going forward, it will be easier to relax while doing your self-care routine.

3) Choose what feels authentic to you

Living the life of the “No worries. Whatever you want.” person will only lead you to frustration and burnout. Instead of letting your desires fade away while prioritizing another’s, get into the habit of asking yourself, “What do I want?”

Focusing on yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary for your satisfaction and overall well-being. The only people who label you as selfish for prioritizing yourself are the ones who benefited from you not having any boundaries.

Check in with yourself and ask, “What feels authentic to me? What do I actually want in this situation?” and watch how you grow into a person who is proud of herself, has more time due to setting boundaries, and is more at peace with herself.

Read next:
8 Tips to Say No Without Feeling Guilty and Selfish

20 Pieces of Life Advice for Women in Their 20s

4) Take action rooted in hope instead of fear

If you want to change your life, make sure you’re taking action that genuinely excites you, not what you think you should do or what everyone else is doing.

We often wait for the right time, the right people, or the right weather as a permission slip to do something we already want to do. If you want to find excuses, you can easily find 10 reasons as to why not to take action. Start focusing on the reasons you absolutely have to take action. Why is now the perfect time? Why are you the perfect person to do it?

Have the intention to do whatever it takes to create your best life. And then make decisions that reflect that intention. You are the only person in control of your life. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can change your life however you want.

Read next:
111 Positive Affirmations and How to Activate Them Without Repetition

The Hidden Root of Perfectionism (And How to Release It)

5) Recognize what requires your reaction

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”
– Charles R. Swindoll

There’s a certain power in people who are not easy to upset. The truth is that not everything requires your reaction. Not every question requires an answer.

Your aunt asking you when you will get married doesn’t require an essay about your life’s timeline. Someone honking in a car behind you doesn’t require you to get mad. You don’t have to take on another person’s questions and emotions as your own.

There are many situations in life that we can accept and let be. If your colleague thinks that your hobby is silly, it’s none of your business. If your friend doesn’t like your dress, it’s none of your business. Instead of making everything a big deal and letting just anyone ruin your mood, choose what requires your attention and energy.

Ask yourself, “Does this really matter to me? Is this person (for instance, a person honking behind your car) important to me? Do I want to engage in this? Will I even remember this a month from now? Do I want this to be the foundation for the rest of my day?”

Take control of what you give your attention to and watch how much peace and personal power you will gain.

Read next:
Living Under Constant Pressure // How to Create a Calm Life and a Clear Mind

6) Learn about things you’re genuinely interested in

Read books, listen to podcasts while doing everyday tasks, and expand your mind. When was the last time you chose to read a book about something that interests you because it’s fun, not because you had to?

You can learn in so many ways. Learning things that are outside your comfort zone will change your life and your perspective. Expand your field of interests. There is so much more to life than you think.

Your interests are unique to you for a reason. If a particular field or topic makes you excited, it’s your cue to follow that.

7) Make the change sustainable in the long term

One reason New Year’s resolutions rarely work is that we put so much pressure on ourselves to change our entire lives in one day. We set big goals only to find ourselves back where we were by January 4th. The same goes for big plans to change your life following Monday, next month, or on your birthday. The missing piece is often that we fail to make the action plan sustainable.

Sure, be unrealistic and dream big when you’re setting goals. There is nothing that you can’t achieve. If someone else could, so can you. However, to give yourself the highest chance of success, make the plan sustainable in the long term.

Don’t underestimate the impact that smaller but consistent actions can have on your goal. You will achieve better results by working out for 20 minutes 5 days a week than by having one big workout on Monday and taking a break the rest of the week. Changing your life doesn’t happen in one day. Reflect on, “How can I make this action plan easier to follow in the long term?” Acknowledge the reason you tend to give up or fall off track and prepare for obstacles ahead of time.

Read next:
6 Tips to Overcome Obstacles + Journal Prompts for Dealing with Obstacles

22 Thought-Provoking Journal Prompts for Goal-Setting and a Fresh Start

8) Increase your tolerance to discomfort

“If you truly feel that self-esteem and motivation have to happen first before you can make changes in your life, then we’ll probably be sharing walkers at a retirement home as we talk over what might have been.”
― Shannon Alder

I know it’s scary to leave your comfort zone, but what’s even more terrifying is to look back on your life 20 years from now with a never-ending list of regrets. Try different things, stop waiting for others to join you, and do what brings you joy.

Instead of spending your time wishing things were easier, make a plan to use what you have to get one step closer to a life you desire. Yes, it’s going to be uncomfortable at first, but if you don’t get over your fear of discomfort, you’ll live the same day over and over again.

Ask yourself, “What is something I want to do but I’ve been postponing because it feels new and uncomfortable?” There’s a difference between not doing something because you genuinely don’t want to and not doing it only because it feels new, uncertain, and uncomfortable.

If you want to change your life, you’ll inevitably need to increase your tolerance to discomfort.

Read next:
How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection

5 Life-Coaching Tools for Confidence: Build Self-Belief That Lasts

9) Develop the skill of finding the positive

If you’re new to the concept of gratitude lists, it can feel strange to suddenly start saying “I’m grateful for the food that I have” when we’ve spent our lives just buying, cooking, and eating without giving it much thought. If you’re at the point where you think, “What do you mean, ‘What am I grateful for?'”, change the question to:
– What’s something good that happened today/this week?
– What did I like about this day?

It can be as small as “I woke up easily, I had a great coffee, the weather was nice, I had enough time to do everything I needed.”

“I like” or “This is good” is already a part of our daily vocabulary. “I’m grateful for” is something we need to practice to cultivate a sense of gratitude and appreciation, rather than taking things for granted or overlooking what we have. When you want to change your life, making your mind a good place to be is one of the most potent, lasting steps you can take.

Want to revisit these tips later? Pin this for the next time you need a reminder.

Until the next time,

Ivana

change your life