La Ivana Cert. Life Coach · The La Ivana Podcast

In today’s post, I’m sharing how to take back your power by creating a solution-focused mindset, taking responsibility without blaming yourself and how this mindset shift applies to every area of your life.

1) to take back your power means to take responsibility

“Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence, grappling with hard work.”
― Adrienne Rich

What I mean by taking back your power is taking responsibility to deal with what happened in your past. It’s not your fault that something bad happened to you, but it’s your responsibility to overcome and deal with it. This is a mindset that I encourage you to apply to every situation in your life.

Essentially, it means you have to stop blaming other people for what happens in your life.

Now you may think ‘’Well, if I’m not blaming them, then that means that it’s all MY fault’’. And that’s not an option! Instead of blaming ourselves, we have to accept ourselves. Creating a new version of yourself and taking back your power means loving yourself too much to judge yourself.

This is all about accepting ourselves without judgment. Being aware of our actions even if they weren’t the smartest choices we’ve made, but still being willing to learn from them. Accept that maybe you didn’t make the best decision and learn from it. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

Now that you know better, you can do better.

The thing is, we always have this need to say that some things are someone’s fault. But I challenge you to stop wasting your time looking for someone to blame. What’s done is done. The next step is to accept it. And, if you don’t like it – you have all the power to change it. Or, on the other hand, if you can’t change it, then change the way you think about it.

Try to understand that you’re not perfect. Things happen. And the way you can take back your power is by not putting your happiness in other people’s hands. You have to take responsibility for how you think, feel, and behave. That’s what a lot of people struggle with.

Blaming other people for your unhappiness is the easy route. However, the moment you realize you have the power to walk away from bad relationships, look for a better job, or start your own business is the moment your life starts to change. You need to know that there’s always a choice.

I encourage you to stop complaining and stop playing the victim. Stop thinking about why it’s happening to you. It’s happening for you to realize that you can change your life at any given moment. It is happening for you because it is your wake-up call to start looking at things differently.

It’s all about how you choose to deal with it. And that’s your responsibility. That’s where your power is. Are you going to let certain negative situations dictate your whole life? Or are you going to take back your power, take full responsibility for your life, and find a lesson in those experiences?

Read next:

3 Toxic Mindsets That Sabotage Your Success

How to Choose Your Thoughts and Master Your Mind

2) reframe your thoughts and beliefs

“If a problem can’t be solved within the frame it was conceived, the solution lies in reframing the problem.”
― Brian McGreevy

The next way to take back your power is to reframe your thoughts. Framing is a way of presenting the situation. And REframing is the ability to change the way you interpret and react to certain situations which ultimately determines the impact they have on your life.

Now, how do you reframe your thoughts?

First of all, you have to be aware of your thoughts. And that takes practice. For instance, the next time you catch yourself blaming external circumstances, just stop.

Maybe you’ll find yourself saying ‘’My boyfriend just broke up with me. Now I don’t have anyone to go to this concert with.’’

I challenge you to change that with ‘’It s*cks that we broke up before this concert. But I guess it was the push I needed to start relying more on myself and to learn to be alone and enjoy my own company. And, who knows, maybe I’ll meet some new people at the concert.’’

Or, let’s say you wanted to go for a run and suddenly it starts raining. The old you would say ‘’Ugh, I can’t go for a run. It’s raining.’’ But if you intended to be active, you’ll find a way to achieve it.

And then, notice that you’re blaming something out of your control, you’re blaming the rain. How silly is that? In that situation, you need to reframe your mind and take back your power. So say ‘’It’s not ideal that it’s raining, but there’s got to be something I can do indoors. I’m going to do a 20-minute cardio at home. I’ll just find some YouTube video to follow.’’

And that’s how you reframe your thoughts. That’s how you take full responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Let me explain the result of reframing with the example I just used.

First, you blame external circumstances in your thoughts. You think how rain messed up your plans. Then you feel unmotivated, you’re slacking on your fitness goals, you feel like everything is against you and then you act accordingly. You feel lazy so you decide to have a ”cheat day” and you end up ordering pizza and watching Netflix.

However, when you reframe your thoughts, the same situation looks something like this:

First, you say ‘’It’s raining outside. I guess I’ll do a quick cardio session at home following some YouTube video.’’ Then you feel good and accomplished, proud of yourself for still finding a way to be active despite the change of plans. And then you act accordingly. You want to keep the momentum going so maybe you make yourself a healthy meal or decide to take a 30-day workout challenge following YouTube videos because perhaps you end up loving at-home workouts.

And that’s how you take back your power and learn to focus on the solution in every situation even before you make a problem out of it. This mentality is going to benefit you in every area of your life.

Imagine there’s a crisis at your job and everyone is freaking out and blaming external circumstances or even each other. You’ll be the one able to turn the situation around and present a solution. And that’s what counts. No one is going to ask you to show your diploma in those situations, but your ability to deal with problems in a proactive way is something that will take you a long way.

Practice this mindset in every situation you encounter. Start looking for the positive things and focus on the solution instead of focusing on the problem. And see how life changes.

Related:

How to Control Your Thoughts and Master Your Mind

3 Effective Ways to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs

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3) stop creating excuses

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”
― Benjamin Franklin

If you want to take back your power, you have to take responsibility for your habits, your health, the way you spend your time, and where your focus goes. Once you stop breaking promises you made to yourself, you’re actually going to feel powerful.

This means that you have to stop coming up with excuses. I want you to know that you are capable and full of potential to create your dream life. But you have to stop with the excuses.

You have to set an intention for your life that’s going to be bigger than any excuse. Once you know what’s your priority, once you find a bigger meaning in that priority – that’s when your life changes.

Ask yourself:
– What excuses are holding me back from creating the life I want?
– What excuses do I need to let go of?

Whatever you do, make sure you’re not the one standing in the way of building the life you want.

Until the next time,
Ivana

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