La Ivana Author of She’s Intense • Self-Respect & Personal Autonomy

In today’s post, I’m sharing how to take back your power by taking responsibility for your future, unlearning unhelpful stories you’ve been taught, and reclaiming control over your reactions. Let’s dive in.

1) take responsibility for where you go from here

“If you don’t determine who you are and stand firm in your identity, you will attach your identity to the opinions of others. You’ll believe others when they tell you who they think you are and who you should be. If they say you’re selfish, you’ll believe them. If they say you don’t have what it takes to succeed, you’ll believe them. You will conform to the pressure to put your life on hold for someone else, stay quiet, nice, and agreeable instead of leading yourself with questions such as, “What feels authentic to me? Who do I want to be?”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

Sure, you can dig into your past to find what went wrong or how you have contributed to any negative situation that happened. Or, you can use what you have, the knowledge you already have, to help you create a better future from here. To take back your power means not letting other people make decisions for you. It means listening to yourself, what makes sense for you, and acting according to what’s best for you.

When you want to take responsibility for your future, you can start by doing a life audit. Look at where you are, what you like in your life, and what you don’t like. From there, take control to change what needs to change instead of continuing to live a life that doesn’t even feel like yours.

What are the changes you want to make?
What habits do you want to stop?
What do you want to stop tolerating?

Look at the role you play in your own life, and take responsibility for adjusting what needs to shift.

Read next:
How to Know If You Have Outgrown Who You Used to Be

9 Ways to Hold Yourself to a High Standard

2) pause before you react

“And if you want to do anything in your life, there comes a point where you’re done with explaining and defending yourself and your decisions. You let people think whatever they need to think, and you focus on your part of the equation. You focus on who you want to be and what you want to do.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

How many times has someone pulled you into a discussion that only upset you? How many futile arguments did you have, hoping to change the opinion of someone who doesn’t even matter to you?

Refusing to engage in unnecessary arguments is how you can take back your power. A lot of times, people will say something just to cause a reaction. Just because their ego needs attention.

Your colleague asking you, “Why aren’t you married yet?” doesn’t deserve a 10-minute debate that leaves you drained for the rest of the day. Your aunt saying, “This kitchen could use a good scrub,” doesn’t require a discussion where you explain how your sink broke and you didn’t have time to deal with it because you were out of town this weekend.

Notice arguments that are not yours. Recognize when you get pulled into explaining, justifying, and defending your point of view. Let people be wrong and misunderstand you. It’s either that or giving up on your peace and having your mood ruined for the rest of the day.

Not everything requires your reaction. Practice saying “Okay” and letting people think whatever they need to think.

Read next:
3 Signs of Self-Sabotage: Are You Sabotaging Your Own Happiness?

Dealing with Negative Comments: How to Protect Your Energy and Stay True to Yourself

3) do your own thinking

“If you don’t want to follow in your family’s footsteps, good. If you feel like a black sheep in your family, good. It means you were born to stand out and forge your own path.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

To take back your power means to stop letting other people define you and your life. You don’t have to have the same definition of success and happiness as your family. Just because generations before you decided to follow a certain path doesn’t mean that you should, too.

This is your life, and it’s time to act like it. Ask yourself questions such as:
If I could choose any career, which one would I choose?
Where in my life do I feel caged or like I’m meant for something more?
If I listened to what I want, what decisions would I start making?

If you liked this post and want to further explore creating your own path in life, my book She’s Intense is for you. Over 209 pages, I guide you to take back your power, make decisions independent of what others think, and never settle for less. Get it on Amazon.

Until next time,
Ivana

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