3 Habits That Are Costing You Your Self-Respect

How often do you say yes when you want to say no? How often do you politely smile while a part of you is angry? Today, we’re uncovering three habits that are costing you your self-respect. Three habits that are slowly dissolving your confidence and lowering your satisfaction in life.

Once you’re aware of the impact they have on your self-image and how you’re treated, the opportunity to end patterns arises. Let’s talk about it.

Habits that are costing you your self-respect:

1) letting unacceptable things slide

“You get to have completely different standards than you did your entire life. It’s never too late to start treating yourself with the respect you desire from others.”
— Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

How often do you let things slide? This includes staying quiet because you’re worried that saying something would push people away or cause a reaction. In the process, you’re abandoning your needs, desires, and what matters to you.

Think about it. What’s the pattern in your life where you allow behaviors or words you’re not okay with? It can be in dating when a guy keeps rescheduling, and each time you reply with “Okay,” and continue to give him 2nd, 3rd, or 18th chance. How many ‘okays’ are you willing to give until you take control over your life and stand up for yourself?

Know that you’re allowed not to be okay with something. You’re allowed to have your limits and stop when you see someone pushing them. You need to honor your limits. Otherwise, you’re writing yourself a recipe for exhaustion, frustration, and unhappiness.

Decide now: what are you going to do the next time someone wants to cross your boundaries? Are you going to let it slide? Or are you going to say to yourself, “Enough is enough,” and act accordingly?

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2) always saying yes (being too available)

As women, we have been taught to always be polite, to help others, and to be there for anyone who needs us. Well, how has that served you so far?

Always saying yes and being too available looks like:
— doing other people’s tasks at work
— someone asking you out at the last minute, and you’re available
— a guy sending you, “You up?” at 1 a.m., and just like that, you’re on your way to his place
— having your own plans but disregarding them the moment someone calls you or needs something from you

Not only will this habit make your self-respect disappear, but it will also affect your quality of life. Think about all the silent frustration and bitterness that come with overextending yourself and breaking your own boundaries.

The next time someone expects you to politely agree to whatever they’re asking you, take a moment and ask yourself, “Do I even want this? Is this my job? Do I want to keep feeding this pattern?” and act accordingly.

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3) prioritizing how you’re perceived instead of how you’re feeling

What are all the ways you suppress yourself to seem nice, approachable, and easygoing? This is something I mentioned at the beginning of today’s post — smiling while a part of you is angry. As women, we’re smiling as we’re being paid to smile.

If you’re serious, people will ask you, “Why are you angry?” or “Who died?” I’ve never seen a man being asked if he’s angry just because he’s not smiling. If a man is not smiling, he’s perceived as confident. If a woman is not smiling, she’s either angry or grieving the death of a loved one. There is no other explanation for a woman who’s not smiling.

Giving yourself permission to be perceived as mean, angry, or conceited is one of the most liberating things you can do for your mental health. You don’t have to smile while a person talking to you is being offensive. You don’t have to smile if something is not funny.

It sounds simple in theory, but letting go of how you’re perceived and focusing on how you’re truly feeling is not an easy feat if you’ve spent your entire life prioritizing who others want you to be.

Look at situations where you tend to go against yourself to make a positive impression on others, and start choosing authenticity. See how it makes you feel at the end of the day when you’re not centering your identity around other people’s opinions.This topic, building uncompromisable self-respect and choosing yourself no matter what other people think, is at the core of my book, She’s Intense. If this is the path you want to begin, read it here.