How to Know If Your Standards Are Too Low (And Why It Matters)

Ever wonder why life feels way more exhausting and confusing than it needs to be? Sometimes, it’s not about wanting too much. It’s about all the things you keep saying yes to when you actually want something better. You know, accepting the bare minimum, making excuses for mixed signals, and hoping things will magically become clearer. Meanwhile, you’re frustrated because deep down, you already know this isn’t how you want to be treated. So let’s talk about how to know if your standards are too low, and where it’s time to raise the bar.

1) there is misalignment between how you’re treated and how you want to be treated

“If you even think for a second about giving him a second chance, ask yourself, “A second chance for what?” Suppose a guy cheats on you and asks you for a second chance. A second chance for what? A second chance to cheat again? A second chance to lie to you again? A second chance to disrespect you again? Because it turned out so well the first time?”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

If you’re wondering if your standards are too low, look at how you’re treated. Are you fine with how people talk to you and behave toward you? Or would you rather change something about it? Think about it. Where do you want people to treat you better, with more respect?

This can show up in dating if the guy you’ve been seeing keeps canceling your dates, showing up late, or crossing your boundaries. This can also show up at work if you have colleagues who have a pattern of asking you to take on their tasks or overstepping your boundaries in other ways. Or with your family and friends.

This is the moment where you get to ask yourself, “How am I contributing to this?” Meaning, what have you been letting slide? Where are you saying you’re okay with things you’re not? Where have you been staying quiet out of fear of confrontation?

If you’re recognizing that people have been crossing your boundaries, treating you like a backup plan, or not reciprocating the effort you’ve been giving, it’s a sign your standards are too low, and it’s time to start treating yourself with the respect you desire from others.

2) you feel frustrated and exhausted

“A man’s lack of effort is not an invitation for you to try harder.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

You will see an exact reflection of your standards in every area of your life. Everything has to do with what you’re saying yes to, what you’re letting slide, and what you’re tolerating. You will see this mirrored in your relationships, your energy, and your overall satisfaction with your life.

If your standards are too low, you will inevitably feel frustrated. It means you’re putting up with behaviors and patterns that you want to stop. You’re exhausted because you’re acting as though you’re okay with everything.

Frustration comes when you know you’re settling for less than what you want. Whether that’s in relationships by ignoring all the red flags or doing your colleague’s tasks at work, you will feel it. If you’re feeling frustrated, take it as a sign that something needs to change. Ask yourself, “What have I been tolerating and quietly accepting that needs to stop?” Act accordingly. Start saying no and setting boundaries, even if it’s initially uncomfortable.

When it comes to exhaustion, low standards will have you saying yes to anything out of guilt, fear, or obligation rather than desire. Keeping your standards low so that you don’t inconvenience others is a guaranteed path to burnout. Instead, get into the habit of checking whether you even want to do something and whether you have the energy for what you’re being asked to do. Practice listening to yourself and your inner guidance rather than prioritizing what everyone else wants from you.

3) you feel confused

High standards require directness, difficult conversations, and clarity. If you’re dating someone and have no idea where you stand with that person, you will feel confused. You will know you want clarity and are settling for confusion.

Confusion is a clear sign that your standards are too low and you need to raise them. This means being more honest and straightforward about what you want. Asking questions so that you don’t have to torture yourself overthinking “What are they thinking? What did he mean when he said ___?” Do your mental health a favor, and demand clarity.

If someone can’t offer you clarity, leave. If a guy you’re dating is unreliable, inconsistent, and avoidant, you can’t sit quietly hoping for him to change. Instead, decide how you want to be treated and stop allowing anything less.

Noticing that your standards are too low is already a turning point. It’s the moment you stop normalizing misalignment and start questioning what you’ve been settling for. Not just in relationships, but with yourself. This is your life. You get to decide when enough is enough and start becoming a woman who respects herself.
If you liked this post and want to further explore how to become a woman who respects herself, my book She’s Intense is for you. Over 209 pages, I guide you to uncover your unique path, make decisions independent of what others think, and never settle for less. Get it on Amazon.