Feeling unfulfilled and exhausted? What if it’s not just about your iron levels but also the things you say yes to and quietly settle for? In today’s conversation, I share how to know if your standards are too low and what needs to start shifting.
Let’s dive in.
1) there is misalignment between how you’re treated and how you want to be treated
“If you do not respect your own wishes, no one else will.”
– Vironika Tugaleva
If you’re wondering if your standards are too low, look at how you’re treated. Are you fine with how people talk to you and behave toward you? Or would you rather change something about it? Think about it. Where do you want people to treat you better, with more respect?
This can show up in dating if the guy you’ve been seeing keeps canceling your dates, showing up late, or crossing your boundaries. This can also show up at work if you have colleagues who have a pattern of asking you to take on their tasks or overstepping your boundaries in other ways. Or with your family and friends.
This is the moment where you get to ask yourself, “How am I contributing to this?” Meaning, what have you been letting slide? Where are you saying you’re okay with things you’re not? Where have you been staying quiet out of fear of confrontation?
If you’re recognizing that people have been crossing your boundaries, treating you like a backup plan, or not reciprocating the effort you’ve been giving, it’s a sign your standards are too low and it’s time to start treating yourself with the respect you desire from others.
Read next:
9 Ways to Hold Yourself to a High Standard
How to Know if You Have Outgrown Who You Used to Be
2) you feel frustrated and exhausted
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
– Brené Brown
You will see an exact reflection of your standards in every area of your life. Everything has to do with what you’re saying yes to, what you’re letting slide, and what you’re tolerating. You will see this mirrored in your relationships, your energy, and your overall satisfaction with your life.
If your standards are too low, you will inevitably feel frustrated. It means you’re putting up with behaviors and patterns that you want to stop. You’re exhausted because you’re acting as though you’re okay with everything.
Frustration comes when you know you’re settling for less than what you want. Whether that’s in relationships by ignoring all the red flags or doing your colleague’s tasks at work, you will feel it. If you’re feeling frustrated, take it as a sign that something needs to change. Ask yourself, “What have I been tolerating and quietly accepting that needs to stop?” Act accordingly. Start saying no and setting boundaries, even if it’s initially uncomfortable.
When it comes to exhaustion, low standards will have you saying yes to anything out of guilt, fear, or obligation rather than desire. Keeping your standards low so that you don’t inconvenience others is a guaranteed path to burnout. Instead, get into the habit of checking whether you even want to do something and whether you have the energy for what you’re being asked to do. Practice listening to yourself and your inner guidance rather than prioritizing what everyone else wants from you.
Read next:
8 Tips to Say No Without Feeling Guilty and Selfish
22 Journal Prompts for Building Self-Respect
3) you feel confused
High standards require directness, difficult conversations, and clarity. If you’re dating someone and have no idea where you stand with that person, you will feel confused. You will know you want clarity, and are settling for confusion.
Confusion is a clear sign that your standards are too low and you need to raise them. This means being more honest and straightforward about what you want. Asking questions so that you don’t have to torture yourself overthinking “What are they thinking? What did he mean when he said ___?” Do your mental health a favor, and demand clarity.
If someone can’t offer you clarity, leave. If a guy you’re dating is unreliable, inconsistent, and avoidant, you can’t sit quietly hoping for him to change. Instead, decide how you want to be treated and stop allowing anything less.
Noticing that your standards are too low is already a turning point. It’s the moment you stop normalizing misalignment and start questioning what you’ve been settling for. Not just in relationships, but with yourself. This is your life. You get to decide when enough is enough and start becoming a woman who respects herself.
Want to revisit this post? Pin for when you need a reminder to raise your standards.
Until the next time,
Ivana
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