finding yourself
Personal growth

What to Do When You Fail to Find Yourself?

June 11, 2018

As I was scrolling through Pinterest a few moments ago, I came across an article called ”How to find yourself?” and just reading that title was enough for me to open a WordPress document and start sharing with you my opinion on finding yourself.
First of all, what are you hoping to find? Probably a person who has certain ambitions in life and is willing to take action towards achieving them. That person is not somewhere out there. That person is not going to pop up in your mind and start acting enthusiastic saying: ”Yes! I’m here! Let’s live now!”

No. You create that person. At this moment you have a complete power to create the person you want to be. A lot of times when people see someone often changing their style/appearance or changing their plans in life they tend to say: ”Oh, he/she just didn’t find himself/herself yet.” The truth is – you never find yourself. Your whole life is a process of creating a masterpiece that is you. You are working on yourself every day. You create yourself with your habits, with your mindset, your interests. You’re creating your story every day and each day you have a chance to rewrite it. You can’t erase what has happened, but you can change the way you’re perceiving what has happened.

You can get rid of the idea that you are lost or you don’t know what to do in life just by accepting how you feel. Emotions come like waves. I remember when I had no idea what to do in life I tried to fight that feeling by doing what was expected of me to be doing (for you that can be having your 9-to-5 job everyone has or jumping into a relationship you’re actually not ready for or going to college just to move away from your parents). Feeling unmotivated comes and goes, you just have to accept it as it is. You are not your emotions.

Going into the process of finding yourself and feeling that you’re failing miserably is pointless. It leads you nowhere. Accepting your life as your own and realizing that you can change it at any given moment will actually help you in creating the life you desire.
So, how to create yourself then?


1. habits

It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, it’s what we do consistently.” – Tony Robbins

Do you want to be a morning person? Get up early every day. Want to be a non-smoker? Stop smoking. It’s really not as complicated as you want to believe. You can be whoever you want to be. It’s easy to be who you already are because implementing new habits is difficult in the beginning. Finding yourself is challenging yourself. Realize that you’re the only person standing in your way and let go of the old you. Get rid of the habits that are not improving your life. If not now – when? Accept your old habits, thank them, even, if they made your life more enjoyable at some point (ex. a cigarette with coffee makes coffee taste so much better, according to people who smoke) and say goodbye to them if you know that breaking them is going to improve your life in many different ways.

Make room for better habits. Make room for a better life. One of the habits I’ve developed in the last couple of months is listening to podcasts while I’m doing some everyday tasks or driving on the bus. It makes life more interesting. Some podcasts I’d highly recommend are Kalyn’s Coffee Talk and The Lavendaire Lifestyle. Both are very inspiring and motivating for living your best life and creating/finding yourself. If you’re new to podcasts, I suggest using Stitcher app which is free and easy to use.

You might like:
How to get rid of bad habits – how I quit smoking, went vegan and changed my life

finding yourself


2. limiting beliefs

”I’m scared to travel alone, what if something happens? / I won’t start a blog, what if no one reads it? / I won’t start a blog, what if someone I know reads it? / I can’t join a gym, what if someone laughs at me?” Yes, God forbid you do all those things, feel better about yourself for going after the life you want and start using your full potential.
Why don’t you change those questions into something like – what if you start traveling alone and schedule your time according to your interests and meet some great people along the way?
What if you start a blog and somehow make it your full-time job? Imagine having a job you actually enjoy. I know, crazy.
What if you join a gym, gain strength and build confidence?

A lot of times when we want to do something, way before being judged by other people, we are being judged by ourselves. There is going to be this little part of our ego (not our subconscious because deep down we know we are able to do absolutely everything) that is going to try and stop us. And you should accept that part. Thank that part for worrying about you, but then stand up for yourself and ask yourself is it worth it. Is it worth it to listen to that voice that is afraid of everything and everyone and let it stop you from creating your best life? And then be excited about what’s to come when you step out of your comfort zone and go after the life you want.


3. other people

There are a few things I’d like to mention when it comes to other people and finding yourself.
First, surround yourself only with the people who make you feel good. There’s no point in keeping people who are not on the same frequency in your life. Yes, it may be hard at first but sometimes we just outgrow some people, and that’s okay. If you want to go further in life, get rid of everything/everyone pulling you back or wanting you to stay in the same place because it’s convenient for them. Always make yourself a priority.

And a thing number 2, always remember that you have a complete control over your reactions. When someone says something negative or isn’t supportive of your passions in life, accept it. And then move on with your day. Fighting and worrying about other people’s opinions is only weighing you down. No matter the situation you find yourself in – don’t let it ruin your day.

You might like:
How to deal with negative comments and stop worrying about what other people think

finding yourself


4. finding yourself

You can develop new habits, get rid of your limiting beliefs, stop hanging out with people that drain your energy, unfollow everyone whose posts don’t bring you any value, but at the end of the day – it’s all about you. Are you willing to go from point A – where you are currently, to the point B – where you want to be? Are you going to be strong enough to put yourself as a priority? I mean, it takes courage. We’ve been taught how putting ourselves first is selfish, egocentric. But I think it would be a waste of time not to put yourself first. I don’t like a question: ”What would you do if this were your last day?”, I always thought: ”Well, if this would be my last day then there’s nothing much I could do in 24 hours… I’d probably eat pizza and watch Netflix”.

What I want you to ask yourself is – what would you do if this were your last life? How would you spend it? The moment we realize something is ”the last one”, whether it is your last day in a foreign city, last episode of a new TV show you were binging, last page of a book, last song on a new album you were listening to for the first time – we appreciate it so much more.

In December last year when I was in Prague for a week, on the last day I was thinking of a few things I could have done differently. I was thinking how I haven’t enjoyed that week as much as I could have. I was wondering why I didn’t go out at night just to drink some mulled wine at overcrowded Christmas fair in the center of Prague which was only 2 minutes walking distance from a hostel I was staying at. There was also some French guy (blonde version of Daniel Radcliffe, it will stay in my brain forever… sigh) that came up to me and asked if I wanted to get a cup of coffee with him and I said no, because I spent that whole day in Kutná Hora and I was really looking forward to just chill in my bed at the end of the day. Or at least that’s what I thought was the reason. Now I think it was because it was so hard for me to leave my comfort zone to enjoy something new and meet new people.

So there you have it… Don’t look back on your life and think how many opportunities and new experiences you could have had if only you were willing to take action towards something and challenge yourself. Don’t be your own limitation. Get out of the victim mode, get out of your comfort zone, take control over your life and start living it.

Check out my ”100 Steps Closer” eBook filled with motivational quotes, affirmations, journal prompts and action steps to get you 100 steps closer to the life you want.

Have an amazing day,


Only registered users can comment.

  1. That’s such a beautiful post! I agree with everything you said. I was in the situation not too long ago where I followed everyone’s advice and ended up in a 9-to-5 job, with a stable income and everything, and all kept thinking was “this can’t be it”. I couldn’t imagine doing this for the rest of my life. It took me quite some time, but I finally decided to abandon security and do things that I always wanted to do. It’s so scary, and not nearly as comfortable as the life I had before, but I wouldn’t want to change it for the world. I loved the sentence “You create your story every day and each day you have a chance to rewrite it”, I might just frame it and put it up on my bedroom wall to motivate me every morning. 🙂

  2. Really great and refreshing post. Life is not about finding yourself, it’s about creating a life you love. Whats most important is that we are constantly growing and experiencing new things. I think this post just inspired a new one for me! Thank you .

  3. Thanks Ivana for sharing wonderful article. Really we are so busy in our daily routine that we forget focusing on our Habits and limit our beliefs. It really motivating.

  4. What an amazing and uplifting article. I’m there, right now! In a spot where I feel like I’ve lost who I am. I know I’m a wife and mother. I know I’m and employee and student, but who am I really? I complain about gaining weight, but do nothing about it. Your point about habits really hit home. Last week I started waking up at 4:30 to do a workout before my kids wake up. This week I’m tired and ready to quit. Thanks to your post, I’m encouraged to keep going.

    1. I was just reading that in Eckhart Tolle’s book ”A new Earth” how we give ourselves all these roles, like in your case: a mother, wife etc. and we mistake them for our identity, there is so much more to life than labeling ourselves with those roles and putting certain expectations to ourselves because of those roles. I’d suggest that you find some type of activity you enjoy, there are so many options when it comes to being active so if what you did last week made you feel tired, then change the time or activity the next week, until you find what suits you. Just don’t force yourself, but challenge yourself and experiment so that you make it more fun 🙂 I’m so glad this post encouraged you, just remember to find what feels good and enjoy your own journey, you can recreate it at any time 😀

  5. Thank you so much for this article, it is great! I totally agree with you about the habits (that’s why I started my own blog about habits – I wanted to change and to ducument my changes), but what was a totally new idea to me,is what you said about limiting beliefs! From reading your article I clearly understood tht I have them! I am writing my blog and I want it to be read by people but I never share it on fb with my friends, because ‘what if someone I know will read it, what if it is too open and personal…’ In that way I am not letting people to get to know other sides of me… Thank you, I will try to break that and be braver!

    1. So glad you enjoyed it! I completely understand that situation, it’s interesting how we are ready to open up to the whole world except to the people who know us haha But I guess it will come with time. 🙂

  6. I totally agree with you. Life is about creating yourself into an individual you want to be. You have very well highlighted the things we need to focus on to create ourself. Great read.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *