La Ivana La Ivana · Cert. Life Coach

What does finding yourself even mean? As I was scrolling through Pinterest a few moments ago, I came across an article called ”How to find yourself?” Just reading that title was enough to open a WordPress document and start sharing my opinion on finding yourself.

First of all, what are we hoping to find? Probably a person who has certain ambitions in life and is willing to take action towards achieving them. That person is not somewhere out there. That person is not going to pop up in your mind and start screaming ”Yes! I’m here! Let’s live now!”

No. You create that person. At this moment you have the complete power to create the version of yourself you want to become.

Oftentimes people see someone often changing their style or changing their plans in life they tend to say ”Oh, they just didn’t find themselves yet.” The truth is – you’ll never find yourself. Your whole life is a process of discovering more about yourself and creating yourself. As long as you’re breathing, there won’t be a finished version of yourself you need to find.

You are working on yourself every day. You create yourself with your habits, mindset, and interests. You’re creating your story every day and each day you have a chance to start a new chapter.

Going into the process of finding yourself and feeling that you’re failing miserably is pointless. It leads nowhere. Accepting your life as your own and realizing that you can change it at any given moment will actually help you in creating the life you desire.

So, instead of finding yourself, let’s focus on how you can create the best version of yourself.

1) change your habits

“Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.”
― Charles Duhigg

Do you want to be a morning person? Get up early every day. Want to be a non-smoker? Stop smoking. It’s really not as complicated as you’re used to believe. You can be whoever you want to be. It’s easy to be who you already are because implementing new habits is difficult in the beginning.

Finding yourself means challenging yourself. Realize that you’re the only person standing in your way and let go of parts of yourself that you have outgrown.

Get rid of the habits that are not improving your life. If not now – when? Accept your old habits, thank them, even, if they made your life more enjoyable at some point (for instance, a cigarette with coffee makes coffee taste so much better, according to people who smoke) and say goodbye to them if you know that breaking them is going to benefit you.

Ask yourself:
– What habits are not serving me?
– How would my life change if I got rid of those habits?
– What new habits do I want to develop?
– How would my life look 6 months from now if I developed those positive habits?

Want to build better habits? Read next:

8 Amazing Habits That Changed My Life

60 Motivational Habits of Successful People

5 Empowering Habits to Build Your Confidence and Self-Esteem

 

2) deal with limiting beliefs that stop you from finding yourself

“Courage is your natural setting. You do not need to become courageous, but rather peel back the layers of self-protective, limiting beliefs that keep you small.”
― Vironika Tugaleva

”I’m scared to travel alone, what if something happens? I can’t start a blog, what if no one reads it? I can’t start a blog, what if someone I know reads it? I can’t join a gym, what if someone laughs at me for not knowing how to use the gym equipment?” Yes, God forbid you do all those things, feel better about yourself for going after the life you want, and start using your full potential.

Think about how your life would change if you would reframe those questions into “What if I start traveling alone and end up loving it? What if it goes great and I meet new people along the way? What if I finally visit my dream destinations and enjoy my life without waiting for someone else to join me?”

What if you start a blog and make it your full-time job? Imagine having a job you actually enjoy. I know, crazy.
What if you join a gym, gain strength, and become healthier?

A lot of times when we want to do something, way before being judged by other people, we are actually judging ourselves. There is always going to be a part of our brain that is going to try and stop us. And you should accept that part. Thank that part for worrying about you and trying to keep you safe, but then stand up for yourself and ask yourself if it’s worth it. 

Is it worth it to listen to that voice that is afraid of everything and everyone and let it stop you from creating your best life? And then be excited about what’s to come when you step out of your comfort zone and go after the life you want.

 

3) be intentional about who you surround yourself with

There are a few things I’d like to mention when it comes to other people and finding yourself.

First, surround yourself with the people who make you feel good. There’s no point in keeping people in your life who are not on the same frequency as you. Yes, it may be hard at first but sometimes we outgrow some people, and that’s okay. If you want to go further in life, get rid of everything and everyone pulling you back or wanting you to stay in the same place because it’s convenient for them. Always make yourself a priority.

Furthermore, remember that you have complete control over your reactions. When someone says something negative or isn’t supportive of your passions in life, accept it. And then move on with your day. Fighting and worrying about other people’s opinions is only weighing you down. Therefore, no matter the situation you find yourself in – don’t let it ruin your day.

Of course, you’re human and you’re meant to experience the full spectrum of emotions. But be mindful of the percentage of your time you spend feeling frustrated or bitter when you’re around certain people. Work on surrounding yourself with empowering people – online and in real life.

And, if there are people that always complain or engage in gossip, do what you can to lower the percentage of time you spend engaged in conversations with them. Focus on yourself and spend as much time as you can with people you love.

 

4) the life-long journey of finding yourself

”It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, it’s what we do consistently.” – Tony Robbins

You can develop new habits, get rid of your limiting beliefs, stop hanging out with people who drain your energy, and unfollow everyone whose posts don’t bring you any value, but at the end of the day – it’s all about you. Are you willing to go from point A – where you are currently, to point B – where you want to be? Are you ready and willing to make yourself a priority? I know, it takes courage.

After all, we’ve been taught how putting ourselves first is selfish and egocentric. But I think it would be a waste of yourself as an individual to not put yourself first.

I don’t like the question ”What would you do if this were your last day?” I always thought, well, if this would be my last day then there’s nothing much I could do in 24 hours… I’d probably eat pizza and watch Netflix.

What I want you to ask yourself is – what would you do if this were your last life? How would you spend it?

The moment we realize something is ”the last one”, whether it is your last day in a foreign city, the last episode of a new TV show you’re binging, the last page of a book, the last song of a new album you were listening for the first time – we appreciate it so much more.

A few years ago, when I was in Prague for a week, on the last day I was thinking of a few things I could have done differently. I was thinking about how I haven’t enjoyed that week as much as I could have. I was wondering why I didn’t go out at night just to drink some mulled wine at the overcrowded Christmas fair in the center of Prague which was only 2 minutes walking distance from my accommodation.

There was also some French guy (a blonde version of Daniel Radcliffe, it will stay in my brain forever…) who came up to me and asked if I wanted to get a cup of coffee with him and I said no because I spent that whole day in Kutná Hora and I was really looking forward to chill in my bed at the end of the day. Or at least that’s what I thought was the reason. Now I think it was because it was so hard to leave my comfort zone to enjoy something new and meet new people.

But that’s exactly what discovering and finding yourself is. If there even is anything to find, you’re going to find it through experiencing new things and having conversations with people.

You’re not going to find yourself or anything new in your room, in the same job, in the same city, with the same people, having the same conversations, doing the same things every day. Bring newness into your life, break that boring routine, put yourself out there, and see what you’ll find.

So there you have it… Don’t look back on your life and think about how many opportunities and new experiences you could have had if only you were willing to take action toward something and challenge yourself. Don’t limit yourself. Get out of the victim mode, get out of your comfort zone, take control over your life and start living it.

Until the next time,

Ivana

creating yourself finding yourself