Setting new goals can be an exciting and inspiring process that helps you move toward your desired results in life. But how to set goals when you don’t know what you want in life? How to set goals when you feel confused and pressured to know what your future will look like? In this post, I will guide you in gaining clarity about what you want to do in your life, so you can start taking action on your goals.
Before we start, I want you to know that it’s okay if you have no idea what you want in life. And it’s also okay to change your mind and quit things that don’t feel aligned anymore. Now, if you’re ready to set some goals that actually feel good, let’s dive in.
5 Steps to Set Goals When You Don’t Know What You Want in Life
1) Shorten the timeframe to reduce the stress and pressure
How do you feel when someone asks you where you see yourself in 10 years? If thinking about where you want to be 10 years from now makes you feel overwhelmed, then focus on the next 6 months or 12 months. Or even 30 days from now. Or even what you want this week to look like.
There’s no need to force yourself to plan out your entire life. Focus on what feels aligned with you right now. Instead of setting goals for the next 5 years, aim for the timeframe that makes you comfortable.
We’re not all the same. It’s unrealistic to expect that we should all set goals in the same way. Some people thrive thinking about the vision they have for their life 10 years from now. Some people don’t. If you know you are multi-passionate or you pivot and change directions quite often, don’t push yourself to set long-term goals.
Or if you feel like you don’t have a consistent sense of direction in life, don’t push yourself to be certain if you know you’re meant to be fluid. Allow yourself to change and evolve as you go. Allow yourself to be yourself, and use the approach that actually serves you.
Experiment with shortening the timeframe to the next 30 days or 6 months (or whatever feels right for you). It’s perfectly normal to change your mind as you go through life. There is no need for certainty, and you don’t have to have all the answers. No matter what point in your life you’re at.
2) Write a list of things you don’t like in your life
“You don’t have to be the most confident version of yourself. You don’t have to have it all figured out. But you have to, for a moment, allow people to think whatever they want to think so that you can do what you want and need.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense
Oftentimes, to figure out what we want in life, we have to identify what we don’t like. Especially if you want to set goals when you don’t know what you want in life. For this part of the process, think about tasks that you wish you didn’t have to spend your time on.
What is it about your job that you don’t like?
Is there a certain type of people in your life that you don’t like and that drains your energy?
What is it about the way you spend your free time that you don’t enjoy?
What are some habits you would like to quit?
You can also go a step further and think about the self-talk that makes you feel stuck and unmotivated. What are some insecurities that hold you back? Fears? Disempowering limiting beliefs and unhelpful thoughts that play on repeat in your mind?
When you’re done with this list, ask yourself:
What is this telling me?
What patterns am I noticing here?
Looking at this list, what do I need to change?
What do I need to let go of?
When you’re making this type of list, it’s important to come to the point where you know what action to take from there. If you just fill your notebook with endless lists without applying any awareness from them, nothing is going to change.
Now that you know what you don’t like in your life, create 2-3 action steps that will help you reduce or remove those things. For instance, let’s say you realized that you don’t like your job. Put “looking and applying for a new job” on your Google Calendar. Or start your own business if that feels more aligned. Knowing what needs to change and then taking action on that knowing is what creates lasting change in your life.
Read next:
How to Know If You Have Outgrown Who You Used to Be
22 Journal Prompts for New Goals
3) Write a list of things you like in your life right now
Identifying what you like in your life will help you gain clarity around what you’re naturally pulled towards. It will help you build awareness around what you truly want. You can add positive habits that you enjoy, specific aspects you like about your job, some activities you do in your free time, etc. This list will help you identify what kind of job you want and what activities you want to spend more time on.
Again, go a step further and use this list to create the life you want instead of just sitting in awareness. Get into the habit of moving from awareness into action. Ask yourself:
What is this telling me?
What brings me the most joy and satisfaction in my life?
What action steps do I need to take to apply this into my life?
It can be challenging to set goals when you don’t know what you want in life. Having an understanding of what you want to let go of (tip number 2) and what brings you the most joy will help you move in the direction of what you genuinely desire.
4) What achievements do you secretly admire in others?
For example, have you seen someone on social media who booked a one-way ticket to Mexico, and it got you thinking, “Ooh, I wish I could do that”? What are other people doing that you would secretly love to do?
Starting a digital nomad lifestyle? Having a YouTube channel? Podcast? Going to college at the age of 54 because they refuse to let go of their dream? Selling everything and traveling the world in a camper van?
Now, when you have a list of things other people are doing that you would secretly love to do, ask yourself:
What is this telling me?
What do I really want to go for and achieve this year?
When it comes to a certain type of lifestyle, what kind of life do I want to create for myself?
What specifically do I need to change in my life?
What do I need to start doing?
Notice the patterns in these lists. They are the clues to your goal and the vision you have for your life.
Read next:
Overcoming Your Limiting Beliefs: 4 Steps to Set Yourself Free
9 Ways to Change Your Life Today
5) If anything was possible, what would you choose?
“If you don’t determine who you are and stand firm in your identity, you will attach your identity to the opinions of others. You’ll believe others when they tell you who they think you are and who you should be. If they say you’re selfish, you’ll believe them. If they say you don’t have what it takes to succeed, you’ll believe them. You will conform to the pressure to put your life on hold for someone else, stay quiet, nice, and agreeable instead of leading yourself with questions such as, “What feels authentic to me? Who do I want to be?”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense
I love questions that open your mind to the field of possibilities. So often, you actually know what you want, but it seems so far out of reach that you don’t even want to go for it. You think, “Who am I to do this? It could never be me.” Whether you want to be an astronaut or start getting up earlier, both can seem equally impossible when you don’t have the self-belief to support you to go for it.
When you let your insecurities and fears hold you back, any goal you set can seem out of reach. Don’t let your fears convince you that you don’t know what you want in life. By now, if you have followed all the questions for reflection I provided, you will have a certain understanding of where you want to go next.
Ask yourself, if anything was possible, what would you choose? What goal would you pursue? Now imagine what it would feel like to achieve it. Goosebumps, right? Whatever goal you have, someone else has already achieved it. So if they could do it, why not you? Start using your potential and create a life you’re excited about.
If you want to stop living according to other people’s expectations and create your own path in life, my book She’s Intense is for you. She’s Intense is a 209-page guide to help you start making your own decisions, build your own identity, create a life that feels like yours, and never settle for less. There are a lot more guiding questions to help you reconnect with what you truly want and insights to help you separate your truth from outside noise. Get the book on Amazon.
Until next time,
Ivana
Thank you for your post. I’m 67years old and live in Maun, Botswana. I’m very lonely and don’t have friends my own age. I’ve always centred my life around my children. But they are grown and married and busy with their own life. Hence me being in this dreadful limbo with no end in sight.
I’ve gone through this, too. When you think about that uplifting feeling of achieving a goal, you just know what you made the right goal and the right choice, and it’s where you want to be. It’s so powerful to trust your instincts. It’s so important to make goals and trust them. It makes me think of the quote by Yogi Berra: “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”
I love this! There have been so many times that I don’t know what I want so I don’t make goals. I think these 5 steps are a great way to make goals even when we may not know what we want. Thanks for sharing!
Your post was great! It’s so informative and helpful. I really liked what you wrote about shortening time frames. The “What do you want to do in 10 years” question is kind of played out in my honest opinion. 6 months-1 year is definitely more realistic and easier to stay focused. Loved your content!
Thanks for sharing this! I’m going to start writing my lists! 😊