La Ivana Author of She’s Intense • Self-Respect & Personal Autonomy

Let’s talk about self-confidence habits that will fuel your confidence and self-esteem the moment you practice them. This is about becoming more and more confident with each decision you make. Respecting yourself so much that you don’t entertain people who are only capable or willing to give you the bare minimum. Leaving situations that don’t serve you. Taking back your power of choice and choosing growth over comfort.

Applying these habits consistently will set the tone for what you allow into your life and the standard people need to meet you at if they want the privilege of having you in their lives. Let’s dive in.

1) follow what you want

“If you don’t determine who you are and stand firm in your identity, you will attach your identity to the opinions of others. You’ll believe others when they tell you who they think you are and who you should be. If they say you’re selfish, you’ll believe them. If they say you don’t have what it takes to succeed, you’ll believe them. You will conform to the pressure to put your life on hold for someone else, stay quiet, nice, and agreeable instead of leading yourself with questions such as, “What feels authentic to me? Who do I want to be?”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

Respect your needs and desires. Always. Whether this means being clear about what you want in dating or calling it a night when you feel tired, use your right to make a decision that feels good. Get into the habit of asking yourself, “What do I want? What feels correct for me right now?” and act accordingly.

The first step is to lower the volume on what everyone else wants from you. When other people’s expectations are silenced, you can listen and hear what you want. When you allow yourself a moment to reflect, you can understand how you feel about something, what you need, or what feels authentic to you.

From there, the next step is to do something about it. Whether by sharing with others if it needs to be communicated or following privately, when you know what you want, it’s your job to go toward it.

This habit builds confidence and self-trust so that you can always lean on yourself and do what’s best for you. Learn to listen to your inner knowing and then allow yourself to follow it.

Read next:
How to Be Authentic In a World That Wants Everyone to Be the Same

2) separate what’s yours from what’s someone else’s

“People who think, “Who does she think she is?” are the same people who don’t allow themselves to aim higher than their current level. Their opinion has nothing to do with your potential and everything to do with the limits they put on themselves.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

Imagine this as separating your whites and colors for washing. It’s easy, right? You make two piles and ensure they don’t mix.

When it comes to other people’s opinions, beliefs about what you’re capable of, or expectations they have of you, it’s important to separate them from your own. This ensures you don’t get lost in the identity they created for you. When your professor told you you’ll never be able to pass the test, that goes into the “Theirs” pile. Your willingness to learn and improve goes into the “Mine” pile.

If you put what’s theirs into your pile and start believing their limiting stories as your own, you will create a glass ceiling for yourself that was never there. Hold onto thoughts and beliefs that make you feel good about yourself and your potential. Thoughts and beliefs that propel you toward creating an incredible life for yourself. Those are worth keeping. Everything else you can return to sender. To whoever came up with that thought first.

Read next:
Dealing with Negative Comments: How to Protect Your Energy and Stay True to Yourself

Choose Your Thoughts: How to Stop Spiraling and Rewire Your Mind

3) raise your standards

“You get to have completely different standards than you did your entire life. It’s never too late to start treating yourself with the respect you desire from others.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

When you start building your self-confidence, you get to the point where you become aware that you need to raise your standards. This could be applied to dating, being more selective about who you surround yourself with, and how you spend your time.

This practice includes sitting down with yourself and asking yourself, “What do I want to stop being available for? What do I want to change when it comes to patterns and behaviors I’m tolerating?”

This raises the bar for the people you allow into your life. When you set higher standards, people will either step up to meet them or they will naturally fall off. And that is exactly what we want. No confusion, games, or bare minimum. Only people who will reciprocate the effort you’re putting into the relationship.

Read next:
How to Know If Your Standards Are Too Low (And Why It Matters)

6 Steps to Demand Respect in Dating Without Chasing or Convincing

4) set boundaries

Always saying yes to everything and making sure you accommodate everyone’s needs is a recipe for burnout and exhaustion. When it comes to becoming the most confident version of yourself, truth and clarity will be required at this new level.

Setting boundaries is all about what you need to do to keep your peace and satisfaction in life. People will respond how they see fit. For instance, you can’t command someone not to text you after 8 pm. People have their own free will and it’s up to them what time they choose to text you. You can, however, say that you put your phone on airplane mode in the evenings and that you’re not available after 8 pm. That’s your part of the equation.

Boundaries are for your mental, physical, and emotional health. No one gets to set them for you. They are fully based on your needs, lifestyle, priorities, and values. Get into the habit of asking yourself, “Does this work for me? How can I honor myself, my time, and my energy in this situation? How can I set the standard here?”

Read next:
8 Tips To Say No Without Feeling Guilty And Selfish

How to Know if You Have Outgrown Who You Used to Be

5) keep a list of small wins to increase self-confidence when you need a boost

The next one of the self-confidence habits is to create a list of small wins and achievements. I suggest you start doing this one right now. You can easily create a new note on your phone. Give it a powerful title, a crown emoji, and start listing your accomplishments.

You can add things to this list each day. Each time you do something that requires confidence, add it to your list. After a while, you’ll realize that you’ve actually been acting confident, which will obviously make you a more confident person in your daily life and your everyday interactions with people. And that’s the key to building self-confidence. Taking small steps each day that make you feel like the woman you want to be.

Feel free to add something from your list in the comments below. Sharing your wins with others can also be something confident you do today. Especially if you’re not used to that.

Read more:
Overcoming Your Limiting Beliefs: 4 Steps to Set Yourself Free

5 Life-Coaching Tools for Self-Confidence: Build Self-Belief That Lasts

6) challenge yourself

“It takes courage to acknowledge you want something different, say, “Good for her, but not for me,” or “Good for you, but not for me,” and ignite a path that no one in your family ever took.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

And the last one of the self-confidence habits is to try something that challenges you to step outside of your comfort zone and embody the confident version of yourself.

If you’re feeling extra inspired to act confidently or if you feel really desperate when you look back and realize how many opportunities you missed because of your lack of confidence, you might want to schedule something new to do every day. Alternatively, you can implement this habit as a weekly thing.

For example, if you’re going out with your friends this weekend, give yourself a challenge that requires confidence. It doesn’t have to be something huge. Just something that pulls you out of your usual comfort zone that you can add to your list of small wins when you come back home. Schedule something new and out of the ordinary for yourself this week and see how it goes.
If you liked this post and want to further explore becoming the most confident version of yourself, my book She’s Intense is for you. Over 209 pages, I guide you to uncover your unique path, make decisions independent of what others think, and never settle for less. Get it on Amazon.

Until next time,
Ivana

building self-confidence confidence habits