Today we’ll look at things we’d rather avoid. We’ll admit the beliefs we don’t want anyone to hear. And we’ll take responsibility for where we go from here. My Scorpio stellium loves diving deeper to see what’s under the surface, and today, I invite you to join me using shadow work journal prompts for walking away and breaking the cycle.
Jung’s “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” is one of my favorite quotes. It shows us how the patterns we feed on autopilot can run our lives, and we can mistake them for unavoidable destiny. But once you look at what’s actually going on, you can bring awareness to it and change it. It’s not fate, it’s choice.
When it comes to dating, situationships, and relationships-we have to look at actions and patterns. Romanticizing the potential and relying on hope will only blur the lines and make you contribute to your own suffering.
It’s not enough to hope someone will eventually change. It’s not sustainable to put 110% of the effort to balance out 0% on the other side. And it’s not fair to you to keep yourself in dynamics that are making you abandon yourself.
If you’re in a place where you know you have to walk away and break the cycle, these shadow work journal prompts are for you. Reflect on these journal prompts honestly and at your own pace. You don’t have to share your answers in the comments. No one is grading you. There are no expectations. There are no right or wrong answers. This is not a group project; this is just for you.
Keep asking yourself “What else?” after the initial answer comes up. Dig. Investigate. Uncover parts of yourself that keep you in cycles you know you need to break. Then, start acting accordingly.
You can have all the answers and still keep making the same choices. You can read 100 books, collect diplomas on your wall, and have years of experience in helping others. But until you start making different choices, nothing can change.
So be straightforward with yourself, keep asking “What else?”, and act accordingly.
Shadow Work Journal Prompts for Walking Away and Breaking the Cycle
“If you even think for a second about giving him a second chance, ask yourself, “A second chance for what?” Suppose a guy cheats on you and asks you for a second chance. A second chance for what? A second chance to cheat again? A second chance to lie to you again? A second chance to disrespect you again? Because it turned out so well the first time?”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense
1. What am I still holding on to, even though I know it’s costing me my self-respect?
2. What truth about this situation am I avoiding because accepting it would force me to make a different decision?
3. Am I attached to who this person really is, or to who I keep hoping they’ll become?
4. What am I getting out of staying that makes walking away feel so difficult?
5. What am I afraid will happen if I finally stop giving this person access to me?
6. Where am I accepting less than I want because I’m afraid of ending up with nothing?
7. What pattern keeps repeating in my life because I keep making the same excuses for it?
8. What have I been calling patience that is actually fear of letting go?
9. If I truly believed I deserved better, what would I stop tolerating immediately?
10. What am I hoping this person will finally understand, admit, or change, and why am I waiting for them to change before I allow myself to walk away?
Read next:
6 Steps to Demand Respect in Dating Without Chasing or Convincing
7 Things to Do While You’re Single Before Your Next Relationship
11. When have I betrayed my own needs to avoid disappointing someone else, and what did that cost me?
12. What am I afraid walking away will say about me?
13. Am I staying because I genuinely want this, or because I’m holding on to what this could be instead of looking at what it actually is?
14. What familiar kind of pain am I choosing over the unfamiliar discomfort of change?
15. Who taught me that love, acceptance, or belonging must be earned by putting up with things that hurt me?
16. What part of my identity is built around being the woman who stays, forgives, understands, or gives people another chance?
17. If I stopped trying to prove that I’m worthy of being chosen, what would I do differently?
18. What am I afraid people will think of me if I finally choose myself?
19. Where am I confusing being needed with being loved, being pursued with being valued, or being familiar with being right for me?
20. What behavior have I repeatedly forgiven that I would never advise someone I love to accept?
Read next:
How to Know If Your Standards Are Too Low (And Why It Matters)
What Happens When You Raise Your Standards (4 Things to Expect)
21. What boundary have I already identified but keep refusing to enforce, and what am I going to do about it this week?
22. What would walking away look like if I stopped waiting to feel ready, fearless, or completely certain?
23. What am I still trying to get from someone who has repeatedly shown me they cannot or will not give it to me?
24. How have I used someone’s potential to justify ignoring their actual behavior?
25. What uncomfortable feeling do I need to learn to sit with instead of reaching back for what I know is wrong for me?
26. What do I need to stop romanticizing, excusing, or rewriting in my mind to finally see this situation clearly?
27. If nothing changed for another year, would I willingly choose this situation again, and if not, why am I still choosing it today?
“Ask yourself, “If he kept behaving this way, would I be okay with it?” If you were to leave him acting as he normally does, without saying anything, would you like what you discover? If not, leave.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense
28. What am I afraid I’ll have to face about myself once I no longer have this person or situation to focus on?
29. What practical steps can I take in the next seven days to stop participating in this cycle?
30. What will I do the next time I feel tempted to go back, break my own boundary, or accept the bare minimum?
31. What does the version of me who no longer repeats this pattern refuse to negotiate on?
32. What am I ready to leave behind, release, or accept so I can stop letting my past dictate my future?
33. What decision would I make today if I valued my future self more than my attachment to what I need to leave behind?
If you liked this post and want to further explore how you can break the cycle and become a woman who respects herself, my book She’s Intense is for you. Over 209 pages, I guide you to uncover your unique path, make decisions independent of what others think, and never settle for less. Get it on Amazon (available worldwide).
Until next time,
Ivana
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