Have you noticed how many times we let our unhelpful thoughts run the show? How many times do we let a toxic mindset that makes us believe we’re not good enough stand in the way? Today, we’re naming some of the most common toxic mindsets or limiting beliefs so that you can recognize them and rise above them the next time they come up.
Additionally, I’m sharing action steps and journal prompts to release each toxic mindset. Let’s dive in.
3 Toxic Mindsets That Keep You Small (and How to Reclaim Your Power)
1) thinking that small steps are not good enough
“You don’t have to be the most confident version of yourself. You don’t have to have it all figured out. But you have to, for a moment, allow people to think whatever they want to think so that you can do what you want and need.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense
What’s that line that we have decided counts as good enough? What’s the length of a workout that you deem good enough, and anything less than that is a waste of time? What’s the number of podcast downloads you have decided is good enough, and anything less than that means you can delete your podcast altogether?
We, as a society, have glamorized big achievements and massive action steps to the point where we see small steps in the right direction as insignificant. Not even worth a try. But it’s those small steps that create the powerful momentum required for big results.
If you have only 30 minutes to work on your side hustle, you might think that there’s nothing much you could achieve in that period of time. But that’s exactly the amount of time you need to start going in the right direction. If you want to write a book, you might think that you don’t even have to sit at your computer to write if you’re going to write less than 500 words. But even if you were to write two sentences, it would keep the ball rolling. As long as you’re going toward your desired outcome, no step is too small or insignificant.
Action step: I encourage you to take small steps you can easily fit into your schedule to achieve your bigger goal. If it’s a 15-minute at-home workout, 10-minute research, writing a concept for your book, or a project you’re working on… Whatever it is. Think about the smallest steps that will get you closer to your goal. Then, make a list of a few steps you need to take to start building momentum and start taking action. Today. With exactly what you have.
Read next:
22 Deep Thought-Provoking Journal Prompts for New Goals
The Hidden Root of Perfectionism (And How to Release It)
2) thinking that settling for less is the safest option
“It takes courage to acknowledge you want something different, say, “Good for her, but not for me,” or “Good for you, but not for me,” and ignite a path that no one in your family ever took.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense
My intention with this blog is to encourage you to stop doing things that make you feel miserable and to start doing more of the things you love. As I’ve said multiple times, out loud and in writing, you can’t do things that make you feel miserable and expect to be happy.
This toxic mindset is very common nowadays. Are you keeping yourself stuck at a job you hate? Are you in a relationship you’d rather get out of? Do you live in a city you don’t like? How are you trapping your potential?
What’s the reason for keeping yourself from going for more? Why wouldn’t you send out 100 resumes this week and go after what you want? Why wouldn’t you start your own business, write a book, and become the next best-selling author? Why wouldn’t you?
Because of your fear of failure? Because you’re embarrassed about what it would look like if your colleagues found out? We’ve all experienced that type of toxic mindset at some point.
However, those initial steps are inevitable. There’s a trend on YouTube where creators film their reaction to their first videos. Almost all of those videos have ”cringe-worthy” in the title. That’s what a start looks like, in retrospect. It’s cringe. It’s embarrassing. But it’s worth it. Otherwise, you couldn’t achieve the success that inevitably follows when you make taking action a habit.
If these YouTubers hadn’t gone through that ”cringe-worthy” phase, they wouldn’t be here years or even decades later. Working a job of their dreams, having full control over their schedule and work location. That cringy phase is unavoidable in any career path you choose. Actually, not just career, but everything else in life. The start is rarely easy and effortless.
The important thing is to accept it and aim higher. Aim toward what you want. Start doing the things you love. Yes, it’s going to be cringy in the beginning and you’ll want to close your eyes looking back on it in a few years. However, would you rather face discomfort while doing things you’re passionate about or settle for a life that doesn’t excite you?
Action step: Journal about your dream life. What do you want to do for a living? How do you want to spend your time? Check out the posts below for more journal prompts to help you set goals and figure out what you want in life. Aim for that. Don’t settle for what’s familiar when you know you’re meant for more.
Read next:
How to Set Goals When You Don’t Know What You Want
How to Know If Your Standards Are Too Low (And Why It Matters)
3) thinking that what you want is possible for someone else, but not for you
“If you don’t determine who you are and stand firm in your identity, you will attach your identity to the opinions of others. You’ll believe others when they tell you who they think you are and who you should be. If they say you’re selfish, you’ll believe them. If they say you don’t have what it takes to succeed, you’ll believe them. You will conform to the pressure to put your life on hold for someone else, stay quiet, nice, and agreeable instead of leading yourself with questions such as, “What feels authentic to me? Who do I want to be?”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense
We all have a different set of skills, talents, and aspirations. Imagine how far you could go if you believed in yourself and followed your own path. Don’t throw away your dream to build someone else’s.
When I see someone finding success and happiness in what they do, it inspires me to work harder on the things I’m passionate about. It shows me what’s possible. It’s a mindset shift I encourage you to make. Instead of feeding a toxic mindset comparing yourself to other people, use their success as a motivation to realize that it can happen to you, too.
Samuel L. Jackson had his breakout role at 46.
Morgan Freeman’s success came at 52.
Yes, I googled that to show you that there’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for success. But there’s a one-size-fits-all ingredient for success. And that is trying. You have to try.
I listened to a podcast episode where a woman in her 30s talked about how she failed 5 times while she was trying to build a business. Her boyfriend at the time told her, “If you failed 5 times already, maybe it’s time for you to stop trying.’’ But she tried again. With all the lessons she learned through trial and error, she eventually built a successful business. Ultimately, it paid off. She also broke up with that guy who wasn’t supportive.
She’’s now her own boss and she has intentionally built her dream life. She made it because she never gave up. And that’s what differentiates successful people from people doing things they don’t even like. Trying. Ones realize that it will take time, but it will pay off in the long run. Others focus on excuses that foster a toxic mindset.
Action step: Find someone who does what you’d love to do. If you’d like to become a best-selling author, find someone who is already successful in that field. If you’d like to do photography for a living, or become an actress, or a digital nomad… Anything. Find someone who already does that, and let them be an inspiration to remind you that it’s possible. Read about their story and find patterns that led them to their success. Realize that if it’s possible for someone else, it’s possible for you, too. But what do you need to do? You need to start. Start taking action toward your dreams.
If you liked this post and want to further explore creating your own path in life, my book She’s Intense is for you. Over 209 pages, I guide you to overcome the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck, make decisions independent of what others think, and never settle for less. Get it on Amazon.
Until next time,
Ivana
I love the first one. I know it’s a small thing picking up a coin no matter how small, but you are absolutely correct it is your mindset. Thanks for these during this tough time.
Such great points. I can definitely find myself in some of these toxic mindsets which is something I’m trying to change. Thank you for sharing!
Antonia || Sweet Passions
So true. My friend was making fun of me for picking pennies off the ground but it’s still money! Not only can small things make the difference, if you don’t appreciate the small things, the big things might not come..
I also think #3 is great, especially now with social media. We see other people being so successful online, but think we can’t do it ourselves? doesn’t make sense to me. If they can do it, I can do it too!
I loved it. Toxic mindset number 2 caught my attention the most. I’d rather risk everything than living the life that I don’t like at all. And for the inspiring person, mine is Sabaa Tahir. She is the author of An Ember in the Ashes series. I hope I can be a best-selling author just like her someday.
That’s such an exciting goal! Love that, wish you all the success with it 🙂
I agree 100% with your first point. Many people tend to forget that starting small is the key to success. Today Amazon, the company that worth trillion dollars, sells everything a human being can ever need to buy, but that didn’t happen overnight. Jeff Boz needed to start small (sellings books online) to go big.
great article. It was very informative. Thanks.
Glad you liked it 🙂