La Ivana Author of She’s Intense • Self-Respect & Personal Autonomy

How to be alone and enjoy it?

Feeling lonely isn’t reserved only for times when you’re alone. You can feel lonely in rooms full of people if you feel like those aren’t your people. We find ourselves constantly looking for company, for some familiar face so that we don’t feel alone. But what’s so bad about being alone? Do we not know how fun and capable we are, and therefore, we rely on others to make us feel good? To make us feel whole and complete?

Today, I share action steps and mindset shifts on how to be alone and enjoy it. You might want to stick around, since you’ll carry this lesson your whole life. Because the relationship you have with yourself is the one that will last your entire life. Other people come and go, but the relationship you have with yourself is forever.

Let’s dive in.

1) strengthen the relationship you have with yourself

“If you feel like you don’t know what your unique set of hopes and desires is, it’s because it’s buried beneath all the shoulds, expectations, and to-do lists that have nothing to do with what you want for yourself. Keep digging.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

If you want to learn how to be alone and enjoy it, you have to get to know yourself first. It’s the same process you had at the beginning of every relationship; you have to get to know the person first. So what’s your story? What makes you feel excited? What was your highlight of the year? What were the challenges that have taught you the most valuable lessons?

Make your mind a good place to be. Learn to process your emotions without trying to numb or escape them. Get quiet enough to hear your intuition so that you can trust your decisions instead of relying on others for guidance.

Start with one of the following:
– journal and reflect on the life you have and the life you want to build
– set exciting goals for the next month or year
– do a weekly challenge to focus on a smaller milestone (think 12k steps, yoga challenge, daily meditations, getting up earlier, social media detox, or something else you’d enjoy)
– do a life audit using the Wheel of Life exercise (you can find templates online)

After all these answers, you’ll realize that you’re a complete person. You’ll also notice that you have ambitions to work on. Instead of feeling the fear of missing out, you might get inspired to start working on your new goal.

You can also learn about yourself through new experiences and new conversations. Don’t be afraid to get outside of your comfort zone for this one. You’re not going to learn about yourself in your familiar bedroom. When you put yourself out there and experience new situations, you’ll learn what drives you, what you’re afraid of, and what truly matters to you.

Read next:

How to Know If You Have Outgrown Who You Used to Be

How to Set Goals When You Don’t Know What You Want

2) don’t lower your standards just because you feel lonely

“And if you want to do anything in your life, there comes a point where you’re done with explaining and defending yourself and your decisions. You let people think whatever they need to think, and you focus on your part of the equation. You focus on who you want to be and what you want to do.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

The worst thing you can do for your self-respect is to have it depend on other people’s validation. Your self-respect doesn’t have to suffer when you feel lonely. Your time and energy are sacred. Notice if you start chasing validation or seeking attention on social media and from others to avoid sitting in loneliness.

It’s normal to feel lonely. It’s an emotion that can be processed just like any other. Instead of using it to push you to people who are wrong for you, use it to find wholeness from within. Give yourself the attention and affection you seek from others.

Take yourself out on a date. Dress up like you’re going out with the hottest person you know (because you are) and get a cup of coffee at your favorite coffee place. Or go to the movies by yourself. Or take a one-day solo trip to a city near you and take pictures of everything.

You can even stay at home, make the most delicious dinner, again, like you’re having dinner with the hottest person you know, have a kombucha (# health), and celebrate making better choices. Choosing yourself instead of rushing to someone else. Don’t wait for other people to make you feel special and loved. Start with yourself.

Read next:

9 Ways to Hold Yourself to a High Standard

How to Know If Your Standards Are Too Low (And Why It Matters)

3) stop postponing your joy and pleasure waiting for someone to join you

“If you don’t want to follow in your family’s footsteps, good. If you feel like a black sheep in your family, good. It means you were born to stand out and forge your own path.”
― Ivana Skoric, She’s Intense

How often do you want to do something but decide not to because you don’t want to do it alone? Whether it’s going to the movies or traveling across the world, don’t let opportunities pass you by because you don’t have anyone to join you. Just because your partner doesn’t want to go to a concert or your friends are not interested in seeing the latest rom-com at the cinema doesn’t mean you should stay at home.

If you’re lucky enough to have the opportunity to do something you enjoy, take it. Schedule some enjoyable things in your planner. Things such as:
– going to a coffee shop or dinner alone
– traveling or taking a one-day trip to a town nearby
– going to the movies, concerts, or events you’re interested in
– starting a new hobby
– having a movie night

Sure, it’s great to do fun things with people you love. But having people to join you isn’t a requirement to have a good time.

Read next:

5 Life-Coaching Tools for Confidence: Build Self-Belief That Lasts

7 Things to Do While You’re Single Before Your Next Relationship

4) love yourself in the process

“You are your best thing.”
― Toni Morrison

When was the last time you said to yourself, “I love you. You’re doing amazing!” We don’t do that very often. We don’t show love and respect to ourselves as much as we deserve. We’re quick to criticize our bodies, shame ourselves for what we’ve done years ago, and feel guilty for our own emotions.

Truth is, when we love ourselves, we can love others as well. Loving someone includes accepting them. If we know how to accept ourselves, we can then stop trying to change and tweak others. We can be aware that we’re all human beings trying to live our best lives. Trying to be happy.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Recognize what you’ve accomplished in your life. Be proud of yourself for all the progress you’ve made. Love yourself when life is good and when it all hits the fan. It’s your life. It’s not perfect, but it’s yours. Validate your emotions instead of trying to fix and ignore them.

At the end of the day, you’ll always have yourself. Be there for yourself like you would be for your best friend. Always make yourself a priority. Nourish your body with quality food. Nourish your mind and soul with helpful thoughts and be grateful for who you are. Because you are incredible and worthy of love and happiness.

If you liked this post and want to further explore creating your own path in life, my book She’s Intense is for you. Over 209 pages, I guide you to uncover your unique path, make decisions independent of what others think, and never settle for less. Get it on Amazon.

Until next time,
Ivana

finding yourself